Run Jenni, Run











{June 12, 2013}   06.12.2013 – Food Journal

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New food journal.

New food plan.

New detail later.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



My desire to work at Publix ebbed and flowed quickly.  I am now working on getting a few small jobs to ease me through the month of June.  But that leaves the question: What to do with my summer?

I am continuing yoga…hopefully moreso than I have for the past week.  I’m hoping to work up to three times a week, but I might be cutting it close with my “taking advantage” of the unlimited monthly pass for June.  But it’s worth the extra $20 to know I can go whenever I want without planning out if I will have more visits by the end of the month.  In other fitness news, I am planning on starting the 100 pushups and 200 squats challenges next week.  As I have already tested, Yoga is a great deal more taxing when adding in pushups and squats on alternating days… but I’m up for the challenge.

To take up some more time, I am thinking of joining a book club.  I went exploring today, and I discovered Lake Wales has a library.  I looked on their website, and the books they choose for book club seem pretty decent.  I probably won’t get June read, but I am looking forward to putting July’s choices on my toy, a Nook.  Don’t get too excited…it isn’t a super fancy one, but it will do.  I have snagged a few $.99 deals online to download a couple of books to get me started, but nothing major just yet.

If I’m feeling really lazy, I’m starting Grey’s Anatomy over from the beginning, which is definitely going to be an emotional roller coaster as I relive some of the episodes that got me through high school.

That’s about it.  PreK starts tomorrow.  Early to bed this evening 🙂

Later Days,

-Jenni.



As a start to my new healthy-living mantra, I am implementing a rule.  A rule which I have stolen from my friend Julie, who stole the rul from a movie (Parental Guidance…I think). 

For every downer, I own myself three uppers.  Three compliments about myself or things that I am thankful for in my life.

This means that every time I put myself down, I have to come up with three things that will lift me back up.  And after yesterday’s post, I owe myself quite a few uppers…specifically thirty.  I owe myself thirty “uppers”.  So, here we go…

1. I am smart.  I am currently teaching myself through study guides so that I can get my teaching certification.

2. I can cook a perfect pancake.  It has taken a lot of tries, but it’s perfection.

3. My hair color is awesome.  Just, awesome.

4. I am a great educator.  This is validated.  I get told at least weekly that I am wonderful with the kids that I work with.

5. I have the ability to run.  I may be slow and it may not be far, but I have the ability to run.

6. I am witty.

7. I have a family that does everything in its power to provide happiness for me.

8. I am able-bodied enough to do yoga, on a daily basis if I want, and I am more relaxed because of this.

9. I can grow my own herbs (hopefully!). 

10. I have friends that are supportive, even when they are not sure what’s going on with me.

11. I live less than three hours away from both Florida coasts… I’m surrounded by beach.

12. I get to go to SeaWorld for FREE on Friday.

13. One of my students told me I was skinny.  In a middle school environment, that means everything. 

14. I am trusted enough that people come to me for advice.

15. I understand nutrition enough that people come to me for advice.

16. I am making daily decisions that are creating a healthier life for me.

17. I can bake/cook healthy and not-so-healthy treats.

18. I have stuck to my 85% vegetarian goal for almost a month.

19.  I am feeling more and more committed to yoga every day.

20. I came to work today instead of faking sick and sleeping all day.

21. I overcame my emotions yesterday without the use of self-injury or horror movies.

22. I will complete the first concept of study for my PreK test today before the end of school.

23. My nephew can make me laugh, even on my worst days.

24. I got four races for the price of one this summer.  Through this, I can improve on my 5k time throughout the summer.

25. I found a mud race that I can do for free through volunteering.

26. I can sing…well.

27. The Fast ForWord lady was impressed with how involved I am in the program, and offered to be a reference when I start looking for a teaching job.

28. I have stuck to my goal of not chewing gum… this is a HUGE accomplishment, since I used to rely on gum to curb cravings.

29. I can read music, something I consider to be a lost art.

30. School is out in 23 Days, and I’m only working 16 of those days.

 

Later Days,

-Jenni.



1. I’m reading Healthy Tipping Point.  I am hoping this book will teach me how to love myself and how to work on lifestyle changes rather than “quick fixes”.

2. I signed up for an organic buying club.  It’s a lot of healthy food for $25 a week.  That’s a pretty decent price for someone who is always trying to save an extra dime or two.

3. Next month I’m going for the unlimited yoga pass.  I love running, and I’m going to keep it up, but I think that yogas is going to be a better use of time when it comes to learning to love myself and respect my body.

Later Days,

-Jenni Warren



{May 13, 2013}   05.13.2013 – Part Two

I am having a bad day.  I’m unhappy, and I don’t know what would make me happy again.  Well, I do know what would make me happy, but it feels entirely unattainable at this point.  

I can remember when I could get on a scale and it would say 185.  I was happy at that weight.  It may have been a completely fucked up and emotionally disturbing time in my life, but that number meant everything to me.  Because that number was the result of a journey that was several years in the making.  That was me at 100 pounds less than I was in high school.  And I would give anything to get that number back.  And that sentence scares me.  Feeling the need to do anything to get a number back seems a bit ridiculous.  And more so than feeling ridiculous, it is causing an internal battle with myself.

I don’t know how to do moderate.  I have always been the type of person who is highly restrictive in her eating habits or binges on every sweet that she can get her hands on.  And I feel like that is how I have been living for the past several years.  I’ll restrict, restrict, restrict, until I can’t take it anymore and I end up eating an entire cake by myself.  And I laugh it off, and my friends laugh it off, and my family says “that’s just the way you’re made” or “you just need to splurge every now and then”.  But that isn’t healthy for me.  Going from 1000 calories one day to upwards of 3000 the next is dangerously unhealthy, and I’m getting to where I’ll do it on a normal basis.

I was so happy when I went to the doctor because I thought that finally someone would see the problems that I’m going through without me having to spell them out.  I was all set up to find a nutritionist that was going to help me figure out my bad eating habits and get me on track to having a healthy relationship with food.  And then Insurance got in the way.  “You cannot have a visit to a nutritionist through our company covered since you have a wellness program set up through your employer”.  I hid it, but I was crushed.  and I know that my therapist would say crushed is an “irrational” word, but that is how I felt.  I covered it up with finding the fitness program for the summer through the school board, but I really hated that I could not get the one thing I thought I really needed.

And now I’m stuck,

I am working through therapy, but I’m not feeling any better about my appearance.  I can read self-help and diet books until I’ve spent my life savings on them, but nothing seems to help.  I feel broken and all I want to do is cry because as much as I am putting on a facade of eating healthy and trying to lose weight, nothing is happening.  As much as I exude “confidence”, if there has been any movement on the scale it has been in a upward direction.  And I’ve given the muscle weighs more than fat talk as many times as I have received it, and I just feel like it does not apply in this case.  I have excess fat to lose.  I have lost it before.  So, it’s not muscle.  It’s just more fat.  

It’s so hard to change when you have all the answers, you just don’t know how to use them. I feel like I am so good at motivating others.  I can remember last summer when someone came up to me after a race and they told me I was their “timer”.  I was the person that motivated them to keep running.  When they wanted to stop, they were focused on trying to pass me.  That is kickass.  Now all I can think about is what they would think if they ran a race with me now.  After the ending of my relationship last summer I just kind of let myself go.  I didn’t go as far as some other people do when they end relationships, but I lost my fitness.  I lost my 33 minute 5k time.  I’ve gained close to 40 pounds.  And I never saw the problem while it was happening because I was hiding behind vices.  It’s easy to convince yourself tht nothing is wrong when you have people telling you that you’re beautiful…even if it is for the wrong reasons.  

Now I have a good relationship.  I have a great relationship with a guy that is pushing me to be better.  I just wish I believed him when he told me I was beautiful.  Sure, I have days where I believe it.  I just wish that I could believe it every time.  

Later Days,

-Jenni.



I am feeling my case of the Mondays, and I am hoping this weather clears up by tomorrow morning.  I cannot wait until Summer really kicks into high-gear.  As a Floridian, we don’t really ghet a Spring, so it’s Summer and Less-Like-Summer.  While I have enjoyed cooler temperatures, I am tired of the rain. 

This week, I am not only trying to stay on track with my exercise, but I am implementing healthier eating back into the program.  As much as I hate keeping track of my food with journals and calorie-couting, it’s the only way that I can effectively lose weight.  so while it may not be as measured as before, I am going to start journaling my food again.  Blegh.

Workout Set-Up for o5/13-05/19

Monday- 30 Day Shred, Levels one and two; Soccer Drills 

Tuesday- 30 Day Shred, Level two; Run

Wednesday- Soccer Drills with mini-workout; Flow Yoga

Thursday- 30 Day Shred, Level two (option of doing twice through); Hill Run

Friday- 30 Day Shred, Level two, twice

Saturday- 30 Day Shred, Level two (option of doing twice or adding second DVD workout); Run

Sunday- 30 Day Shred, Levels two and three; Soccer Drills

I am boring today.  And hungry.  I’m hungry.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



Two days into 30 Day Shred and my legs are feeling it, for sure.  I was impressed that I had the ability to run as much as I did last night.  The boyfriend is actually finding ways to encourage me without making me feel so bad about being slow as snails.  I finished a 5k course in around 40 minutes, which is widely attributed to the fact that I cannot run fast and I need to invest in new running shoes.  These are over a year old and definitely out of commission.

Tonight will consist of some simple soccer drills and a flow yoga class that I am more than looking forward to this week.  I didn’t make it to the class last week, so I’m definitely feeling a little less than zen.  Surprisingly, I have been in a better mood this week.  I’m sure that can be contributed to the exercise that I have shoved back into my daily routine, but it’s always nice to feel better about where my life is headed. 

My second test for teaching certification is this Friday, and I am anxious and excited.  I am trying to stay confident about doing well on the test, but I really haven’t study as much as I could have in the past couple of weeks.  Hopefully all will go well.  I have been getting a good amount of “hands-on” teaching experience, so hopefully that will be reflected in my test scores.

The rest of this week consists of a lot of 30 Day Shred and a lot of running (Thursday, Friday, and Saturday).  Friday I might go for more walking than running, but it’s all in how I feel when the time comes. 

Later Days,

-Jenni.

 



I am getting back on track because this free fall has gone on long enough.  I am back to my lovely workout schedule where I fit as much in as I can without dying.  I have figured my main problem last time was not amount of work I was doing, it was the amount of food I wasn’t eating.  Lack of keeping with my minimum daily caloric needs caused low energy levels and a lot of binge days where I was supplementing lost calories with entire pans of brownies and boston cream pie.  Instead, I’m going to be making my own trail mix for snacking during the day and eating nutritional meals for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner.  And if I want a snack, I’m going to give myself some wiggle room.  It’s better to eat a little chocolate or go buy a single-serve brownie than to cook the entire pan and eat it in one sitting…after you try to combat the craving with foods that are not satisfying and just as bad as empty calories from soda.  Really, if you aren’t enjoying what you put in your body, what’s the point?

Yesterday I started 30-Day Shred, and I am planning to finish 30 rounds of it before the end of the month of May.  This will require a few days of “doubling” or “tripling” up, but those days are coming later.  While I might have the next four months heavily planned out, including fall-back plans, I am trying to focus on just one week at a time when it comes to blogging and my actual calendar that I see when I wake up each morning. 

05-06 through 05-12

Monday: 30 Day Shred

Tuesday: 30 Day Shred, Run

Wednesday: Flow

Thursday: 30 Day Shred, Hill Run

Friday: 30 Day Shred, Run

Saturday: 30 Day Shred, Run

Sunday: 30 Day Shred, Yoga

Wednesdays will forever be known as my “Zen” day and I will only do yoga on those days unless I feel like otherwise supplementing it with a short run or bike ride.  If I end up in Winter Haven in the future I may chose to ride my bike to Yoga practice during the week.  It’s all up in the air, as I don’t want to plan too far ahead.  But I am feeling confident that everything will work out…eventually.

Later Days,

-Jenni



{April 26, 2013}   04.26.2013 – Grateful

Yoga and therapy are going to make me a lot more medatative.  If it gets annoying, someone needs to tell me.  I don’t wanna be one of “those people”, but if it makes me happy…then it might not be such a bad thing.

When I went to yoga on Wednesday, the teacher had us write a word on the top of our mat.  This word represented our intention and what we were hoping to achieve with that evening’s practice.  Having a word to direct my practice toward not only helped me that evening, but it followed me toschool the next day.  My word for Wednesday was peace.  And since peace was so well achieved on Wednesday and Thursday, I have decided to start a small project with myself. 

Starting in May, I am going to find a word to meditate on every day.  If I feel that it will help, I can write to word on the inside of my wrist so that I might keep a close eye on my intention for the day.  I felt like a practice run today, so I am living with the word grateful.  I spent a couple of minutes in the sun thinking of all the things that I am grateful for, and it really helped to center myself for the day.  Most of this comes from being thrown off balance last night when I ran into a friend from my past.  He did not really connect me with specifically bad memories, but it was a glimpse into the type of person that I used to be…and that person existed barely a year ago.   This morning I spent a few moments being grateful for the life I have: my friend, the fact that I have found a guy who loves me, the ability to run and practice other forms of exercise, and all the other things that have made my life so good.  When I think about it, I am so completely blessed with experiences in life.  I have stuff that I was able to use as stepping stones to grow into the person that I am today. 

 I hope you will spend some time today to find a word for yourself.  Maybe you will find the things you are grateful for, or maybe you need to focus on another word.  Whatever you chose, I hope your day is going as well as mine.

Later Days,

-Jenni.

 



{April 9, 2013}   04.09.2013 – Pure Cardio

I am hungry…so I’m going to write a blog update to take my mind off the food I could be eating right now.  And I am being counterproductive by blogging about the food I could be eating.  I am apparently really bad at this… but, such is life.

In non-fitness news, I am up to Chapter Seven in my Professional Education Test Prep book.  That’s halfway!  I will probably be able to take the test the first week of May.  I am looking at May 3rd, but we will see how I am feeling near the end of the month.  I am not entirely sure how studying will work during the FCAT.  I know we cannot help the students, but I don’t know how much we are going to be required to be on our feet.  We shall see how this all plays out next week.  I have training for it this afternoon… so looking forward to that. 

I am looking forward to my first yoga class this weekend and not much else.  I have been super hectic the past couple of weekends and I think I need some time where I just have a day or two for myself without much travel.  I know throwing Insanity and gym trips in the mix won’t give me the 100% calm that most people hope for, but it is my kind of calm.  Insanity has actually be helping me to sleep better and crave better foods.  Even if I am tired when I start the workout, I finish feeling energized and ready for the next thing.  I wish that I had the desire and motivation to wake up and do it in the mornings, but I would be waking up way too early for my liking.  That might be something that I look into if I decide to do a second round during the summer. 

Speaking of summer, I honestly have no idea what I am going to do to take up the free time that I will be faced with.  I know that I have volunteering in mind, but that’s something I will probably only want to do three days a week.  I know I say that I am looking forward to doing nothing and still getting paid, but I also know that I am probably going to be bored within the first few weeks.  I guess that’s where swimming and other sports will come in.  I am hoping to move out on my own this summer, and the place that is on my apartment wish list has a volleyball court.  If that doesn’t work out, I will just be taking a lot of trips to the beach.  Nothing wrong with that!

That’s as much of an update as my brain can handle.  Insanity – Week One Update is coming on Thursday, so be looking for that.  Tomorrow might be nothing or it might be as random as today.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



et cetera