Run Jenni, Run











{June 12, 2013}   06.12.2013 – Food Journal

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New food journal.

New food plan.

New detail later.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



My desire to work at Publix ebbed and flowed quickly.  I am now working on getting a few small jobs to ease me through the month of June.  But that leaves the question: What to do with my summer?

I am continuing yoga…hopefully moreso than I have for the past week.  I’m hoping to work up to three times a week, but I might be cutting it close with my “taking advantage” of the unlimited monthly pass for June.  But it’s worth the extra $20 to know I can go whenever I want without planning out if I will have more visits by the end of the month.  In other fitness news, I am planning on starting the 100 pushups and 200 squats challenges next week.  As I have already tested, Yoga is a great deal more taxing when adding in pushups and squats on alternating days… but I’m up for the challenge.

To take up some more time, I am thinking of joining a book club.  I went exploring today, and I discovered Lake Wales has a library.  I looked on their website, and the books they choose for book club seem pretty decent.  I probably won’t get June read, but I am looking forward to putting July’s choices on my toy, a Nook.  Don’t get too excited…it isn’t a super fancy one, but it will do.  I have snagged a few $.99 deals online to download a couple of books to get me started, but nothing major just yet.

If I’m feeling really lazy, I’m starting Grey’s Anatomy over from the beginning, which is definitely going to be an emotional roller coaster as I relive some of the episodes that got me through high school.

That’s about it.  PreK starts tomorrow.  Early to bed this evening 🙂

Later Days,

-Jenni.



{June 3, 2013}   06.03.2013 – June Goals

I have not been feeling up to writing lately.  Mostly because lots has been going on, and the blog is the first thing to fall off the back burner when stress kicks my life inside out. 

School is out on Wednesday, but that does not mean my work is over.  I am planning on volunteering for PreSchool over the summer at an elementary school.  I lucked out and got one that’s less than ten minutes from the boyfriend’s house.  That’s a nother major step…I’ve pretty much moved in with the boyfriend, thus making the boyfriend, the roommate.  In addition to volunteering, I am trying to pick up a second job…hopefully reprising my role as a deli clerk at Publix.  There is a Publix about 5 miles from my house, which is really a blessing when it comes to job searching for something easy to get to and that I know I can do for at least two or three months before school starts back up in mid-August. 

In fitness, I paid for the unlimited pass to Yoga this month, and I am hoping that I actually get a chance to use it.  It is nice to know I can go whenever I want, but I am going to be bummed if I end up working so much that I basically flushed $100 down the drain…which is not good considering I only have about $150 to get me through this month (hence the need for a second job).  The moral of the story is it cost to keep sane while also working on a teaching certification.  Hopefully all will work out and I will be making enough to help out around the house with groceries and still have money for gas and fitness for the rest of the month.

Healthy eating has fallen off for a few weeks, but I am hoping that filling my time with things to do will basically force me back into a better eating routine.  I am maintaining weight right now, but I would rather be losing it. 

Later Days,

-Jenni.



{May 25, 2013}   05.27.2013 – RAD

Today I completed the Color Me Rad 5k in Tampa, Florida.  Not only does this mark my first 5k of the year; it also marks my first 5k of the summer.  With all these races coming up, it;s time to get serious about my commitment to fitness.  When I say commitment, I don’t mean shoving myself in the living room to do a workout DVD that I dread doing.  I mean committing to do something active every day…something that I love.

Starting next week I will be able to go to yoga at least three times a week.  I skipped last week due to a cookout with some friends, so I will be able to use my last two trips this week on Tuesday and Wednesday.  Then, I am paying for the 30-Day pass on Friday once I get paid.  I think that yoga will give me a new appreciation for my body due to the fact that I am more able than I seem.  I need to get back to running hills, but my therapy appointments have taken my inertia away once I’m done talking about everything I have dealt with in a week.  I need to push myself to run right after my appointment and meet up with them once they start, or just find someplace that will give me energy during the hour of waiting for running club to start.

I just want to get back to the way I was.  I know I write a post complaining about the person I used to be at least once a week these days and the only one to blame for that is myself, I just wish I could find the strength to look past the trials and just say “fuck it” and reach my goals.  Part of me doesn’t even want to do it anymore.  I keep wanting to fast forward to the part of my life where it all makes sense, but I’m starting to doubt if that part ever comes.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



{May 22, 2013}   05.22.2013 – Nine Days

Nine more days of school!  Yay!!

I am definitely ready to get my two-month break started.  It’s not REALLY a break because I will be volunteering the majority of the summer for a summer Preschool program, but it still will be a break from my actual job and an exploration into what I really want to do with my life.  I am still waiting on my Professional Education Test results, so I am just waiting for that.  I am less and less nervous about it, so I am okay with not knowing my results just yet.  I am hoping that the results come before my PreK test so that I can have a full answer by the time I take that test on whether I can start majorly searching for jobs or not.

In terms of workouts, I am learning to accept my ability to do any form of activity.  Yesterday, I had a run planned, but I ended up doing soccer drills ith Luke for the afternoon because I was on his side of town instead of mine.  I enjoyed myself, and I got in a decent workout.  Today I have soccer planned and my yoga class.  It’s hard to get me to not go to yoga.  I cannot wait until I can spring for the unlimited pass next month.

Hope you all are having a great week!  I’ll update more on food choices later.  It’s a learning process and I am definitely adding more fruits and veggies.  It’s just difficult to go about it without weighing myself every day and counting calories like it’s going out of style.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



Wow, it’s been awhile!

The end of school is fast approaching, and no one is more ready for summer than I am.  I have got my summer workout plan figured out and I am ready to throw it into action.  It’s full of yoga and a lot of running/soccer practice.  I have June planned out, an I am excited to be opting for the unlimited yoga pass for the entire month.  I will be able to focus on my practice and have myself centered for summer.  Throwing cardio in the mix will help improve my cardio and be the action that really burns the extra calories I am trying to lose.  I am trying to focus on adding rather than subtracting, something that I am learning about as I am reading Healthy Tipping Point, the book written by one of my favorite bloggers, Caitlyn Boyle. 

The main idea I am focusing on this summer is not restrictiong food, but adding physical activity.  As I add physical activity, I know that I will be craving better food.  While I am not restricting myself from a piece of chocolate if that is what I desire, I am hoping that the increase in activity will cause me to increase my intake of healthier options like fruits and vegetables.  I am also hoping to continue my vegetarian diet, which has blackslid a bit the past several weeks.  I am trying not to focus on calorie-couting, as I have done in the past.  This time around I am trying to add in nutritious food, at a reasonable portion size, that will keep me feeling nutured and healthy. 

It definitely a journey, and I am glad to be start it (again!).  I am ready to take back my life and find my healthy, and happy, place in the world.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



As a start to my new healthy-living mantra, I am implementing a rule.  A rule which I have stolen from my friend Julie, who stole the rul from a movie (Parental Guidance…I think). 

For every downer, I own myself three uppers.  Three compliments about myself or things that I am thankful for in my life.

This means that every time I put myself down, I have to come up with three things that will lift me back up.  And after yesterday’s post, I owe myself quite a few uppers…specifically thirty.  I owe myself thirty “uppers”.  So, here we go…

1. I am smart.  I am currently teaching myself through study guides so that I can get my teaching certification.

2. I can cook a perfect pancake.  It has taken a lot of tries, but it’s perfection.

3. My hair color is awesome.  Just, awesome.

4. I am a great educator.  This is validated.  I get told at least weekly that I am wonderful with the kids that I work with.

5. I have the ability to run.  I may be slow and it may not be far, but I have the ability to run.

6. I am witty.

7. I have a family that does everything in its power to provide happiness for me.

8. I am able-bodied enough to do yoga, on a daily basis if I want, and I am more relaxed because of this.

9. I can grow my own herbs (hopefully!). 

10. I have friends that are supportive, even when they are not sure what’s going on with me.

11. I live less than three hours away from both Florida coasts… I’m surrounded by beach.

12. I get to go to SeaWorld for FREE on Friday.

13. One of my students told me I was skinny.  In a middle school environment, that means everything. 

14. I am trusted enough that people come to me for advice.

15. I understand nutrition enough that people come to me for advice.

16. I am making daily decisions that are creating a healthier life for me.

17. I can bake/cook healthy and not-so-healthy treats.

18. I have stuck to my 85% vegetarian goal for almost a month.

19.  I am feeling more and more committed to yoga every day.

20. I came to work today instead of faking sick and sleeping all day.

21. I overcame my emotions yesterday without the use of self-injury or horror movies.

22. I will complete the first concept of study for my PreK test today before the end of school.

23. My nephew can make me laugh, even on my worst days.

24. I got four races for the price of one this summer.  Through this, I can improve on my 5k time throughout the summer.

25. I found a mud race that I can do for free through volunteering.

26. I can sing…well.

27. The Fast ForWord lady was impressed with how involved I am in the program, and offered to be a reference when I start looking for a teaching job.

28. I have stuck to my goal of not chewing gum… this is a HUGE accomplishment, since I used to rely on gum to curb cravings.

29. I can read music, something I consider to be a lost art.

30. School is out in 23 Days, and I’m only working 16 of those days.

 

Later Days,

-Jenni.



{May 13, 2013}   05.13.2013 – Part Two

I am having a bad day.  I’m unhappy, and I don’t know what would make me happy again.  Well, I do know what would make me happy, but it feels entirely unattainable at this point.  

I can remember when I could get on a scale and it would say 185.  I was happy at that weight.  It may have been a completely fucked up and emotionally disturbing time in my life, but that number meant everything to me.  Because that number was the result of a journey that was several years in the making.  That was me at 100 pounds less than I was in high school.  And I would give anything to get that number back.  And that sentence scares me.  Feeling the need to do anything to get a number back seems a bit ridiculous.  And more so than feeling ridiculous, it is causing an internal battle with myself.

I don’t know how to do moderate.  I have always been the type of person who is highly restrictive in her eating habits or binges on every sweet that she can get her hands on.  And I feel like that is how I have been living for the past several years.  I’ll restrict, restrict, restrict, until I can’t take it anymore and I end up eating an entire cake by myself.  And I laugh it off, and my friends laugh it off, and my family says “that’s just the way you’re made” or “you just need to splurge every now and then”.  But that isn’t healthy for me.  Going from 1000 calories one day to upwards of 3000 the next is dangerously unhealthy, and I’m getting to where I’ll do it on a normal basis.

I was so happy when I went to the doctor because I thought that finally someone would see the problems that I’m going through without me having to spell them out.  I was all set up to find a nutritionist that was going to help me figure out my bad eating habits and get me on track to having a healthy relationship with food.  And then Insurance got in the way.  “You cannot have a visit to a nutritionist through our company covered since you have a wellness program set up through your employer”.  I hid it, but I was crushed.  and I know that my therapist would say crushed is an “irrational” word, but that is how I felt.  I covered it up with finding the fitness program for the summer through the school board, but I really hated that I could not get the one thing I thought I really needed.

And now I’m stuck,

I am working through therapy, but I’m not feeling any better about my appearance.  I can read self-help and diet books until I’ve spent my life savings on them, but nothing seems to help.  I feel broken and all I want to do is cry because as much as I am putting on a facade of eating healthy and trying to lose weight, nothing is happening.  As much as I exude “confidence”, if there has been any movement on the scale it has been in a upward direction.  And I’ve given the muscle weighs more than fat talk as many times as I have received it, and I just feel like it does not apply in this case.  I have excess fat to lose.  I have lost it before.  So, it’s not muscle.  It’s just more fat.  

It’s so hard to change when you have all the answers, you just don’t know how to use them. I feel like I am so good at motivating others.  I can remember last summer when someone came up to me after a race and they told me I was their “timer”.  I was the person that motivated them to keep running.  When they wanted to stop, they were focused on trying to pass me.  That is kickass.  Now all I can think about is what they would think if they ran a race with me now.  After the ending of my relationship last summer I just kind of let myself go.  I didn’t go as far as some other people do when they end relationships, but I lost my fitness.  I lost my 33 minute 5k time.  I’ve gained close to 40 pounds.  And I never saw the problem while it was happening because I was hiding behind vices.  It’s easy to convince yourself tht nothing is wrong when you have people telling you that you’re beautiful…even if it is for the wrong reasons.  

Now I have a good relationship.  I have a great relationship with a guy that is pushing me to be better.  I just wish I believed him when he told me I was beautiful.  Sure, I have days where I believe it.  I just wish that I could believe it every time.  

Later Days,

-Jenni.



I am feeling my case of the Mondays, and I am hoping this weather clears up by tomorrow morning.  I cannot wait until Summer really kicks into high-gear.  As a Floridian, we don’t really ghet a Spring, so it’s Summer and Less-Like-Summer.  While I have enjoyed cooler temperatures, I am tired of the rain. 

This week, I am not only trying to stay on track with my exercise, but I am implementing healthier eating back into the program.  As much as I hate keeping track of my food with journals and calorie-couting, it’s the only way that I can effectively lose weight.  so while it may not be as measured as before, I am going to start journaling my food again.  Blegh.

Workout Set-Up for o5/13-05/19

Monday- 30 Day Shred, Levels one and two; Soccer Drills 

Tuesday- 30 Day Shred, Level two; Run

Wednesday- Soccer Drills with mini-workout; Flow Yoga

Thursday- 30 Day Shred, Level two (option of doing twice through); Hill Run

Friday- 30 Day Shred, Level two, twice

Saturday- 30 Day Shred, Level two (option of doing twice or adding second DVD workout); Run

Sunday- 30 Day Shred, Levels two and three; Soccer Drills

I am boring today.  And hungry.  I’m hungry.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



Sometimes I get bored and plan out my entire workout schedule through the end of the year… and that happened this morning. 

Due to wedding dates, I have had to give up on a few races and change around a few plans.  It actually has not been as mentally difficult as I expected it to be and I am mostly glad that I realized I needed to change dates before I had paid for the races.  I still have somthing to do every month, but it’s definitely a change from the original.  My new race list still includes the Watermelon Series over the summer and the Aching Quad for my birthday, but I have cut down the October race from the Living Dead Challenge to just the Frakenfooter half marathon on October 27.  November will be changes from the Lake to Lake 10k to a mud race.  I finally found one that is nearby and not a ridiculous amount of money (in my opinion, anyways).  For December I cut out the second half marathon and am just planning for the one in Orlando the first weekend of the month.  It’s a slightly easier schedule and it allows for a little more free time to play aournd with other workout plans.

I am still planning on adding some random gym time in the summer due to a free membership as a perk of being a School Board employee.  The only priority of this will be the Wednesday Nutrition and Fitness classes.  I do have plans to visit the gym, but this summer will be focused on improving my 5k time and working through a few DVD programs.  As previously mentioned, May is dedicated to 30 Day Shred.  So far, I am definitely feeling it, but actual results remain to be seen.  In June I am upping the stakes with two DVD programs: Six Week Six Pack and Ripped in 30.  I will be working on Level One of Six Week Six Pack for the enire month of June, then moving up to Level Two during July.  Once July hits, I will finish up Ripped in 30 and dedicate more time to my free gym pass and yoga.  August will consist of a lot of Bob Harper as I alternete his Pure Strength workout with his Kettlebell workout to add in some strength that does not involve the gym.  August will also mark the point at which I add in more yoga to my routine, adding Monday and Friday evenings to my yofa class load.  By October I will be in full running mode, planning for the half marathon at the end of the month.  At this point, I am going to evealuate my fitness level.  If I decide I am well enough, both physically and mentally, I am planning to attempt Insanity for the third time.  If I start at the end of October, I will be able to complete the entire program by December 31, 2013… which is a great way to start off the new year. 

As always, this is subject to change according to ability and functionality… but I am hoping this plan sticks. 

 

Later Days,

-Jenni.



et cetera