Run Jenni, Run











{May 13, 2013}   05.13.2013 – Part Two

I am having a bad day.  I’m unhappy, and I don’t know what would make me happy again.  Well, I do know what would make me happy, but it feels entirely unattainable at this point.  

I can remember when I could get on a scale and it would say 185.  I was happy at that weight.  It may have been a completely fucked up and emotionally disturbing time in my life, but that number meant everything to me.  Because that number was the result of a journey that was several years in the making.  That was me at 100 pounds less than I was in high school.  And I would give anything to get that number back.  And that sentence scares me.  Feeling the need to do anything to get a number back seems a bit ridiculous.  And more so than feeling ridiculous, it is causing an internal battle with myself.

I don’t know how to do moderate.  I have always been the type of person who is highly restrictive in her eating habits or binges on every sweet that she can get her hands on.  And I feel like that is how I have been living for the past several years.  I’ll restrict, restrict, restrict, until I can’t take it anymore and I end up eating an entire cake by myself.  And I laugh it off, and my friends laugh it off, and my family says “that’s just the way you’re made” or “you just need to splurge every now and then”.  But that isn’t healthy for me.  Going from 1000 calories one day to upwards of 3000 the next is dangerously unhealthy, and I’m getting to where I’ll do it on a normal basis.

I was so happy when I went to the doctor because I thought that finally someone would see the problems that I’m going through without me having to spell them out.  I was all set up to find a nutritionist that was going to help me figure out my bad eating habits and get me on track to having a healthy relationship with food.  And then Insurance got in the way.  “You cannot have a visit to a nutritionist through our company covered since you have a wellness program set up through your employer”.  I hid it, but I was crushed.  and I know that my therapist would say crushed is an “irrational” word, but that is how I felt.  I covered it up with finding the fitness program for the summer through the school board, but I really hated that I could not get the one thing I thought I really needed.

And now I’m stuck,

I am working through therapy, but I’m not feeling any better about my appearance.  I can read self-help and diet books until I’ve spent my life savings on them, but nothing seems to help.  I feel broken and all I want to do is cry because as much as I am putting on a facade of eating healthy and trying to lose weight, nothing is happening.  As much as I exude “confidence”, if there has been any movement on the scale it has been in a upward direction.  And I’ve given the muscle weighs more than fat talk as many times as I have received it, and I just feel like it does not apply in this case.  I have excess fat to lose.  I have lost it before.  So, it’s not muscle.  It’s just more fat.  

It’s so hard to change when you have all the answers, you just don’t know how to use them. I feel like I am so good at motivating others.  I can remember last summer when someone came up to me after a race and they told me I was their “timer”.  I was the person that motivated them to keep running.  When they wanted to stop, they were focused on trying to pass me.  That is kickass.  Now all I can think about is what they would think if they ran a race with me now.  After the ending of my relationship last summer I just kind of let myself go.  I didn’t go as far as some other people do when they end relationships, but I lost my fitness.  I lost my 33 minute 5k time.  I’ve gained close to 40 pounds.  And I never saw the problem while it was happening because I was hiding behind vices.  It’s easy to convince yourself tht nothing is wrong when you have people telling you that you’re beautiful…even if it is for the wrong reasons.  

Now I have a good relationship.  I have a great relationship with a guy that is pushing me to be better.  I just wish I believed him when he told me I was beautiful.  Sure, I have days where I believe it.  I just wish that I could believe it every time.  

Later Days,

-Jenni.

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I am feeling my case of the Mondays, and I am hoping this weather clears up by tomorrow morning.  I cannot wait until Summer really kicks into high-gear.  As a Floridian, we don’t really ghet a Spring, so it’s Summer and Less-Like-Summer.  While I have enjoyed cooler temperatures, I am tired of the rain. 

This week, I am not only trying to stay on track with my exercise, but I am implementing healthier eating back into the program.  As much as I hate keeping track of my food with journals and calorie-couting, it’s the only way that I can effectively lose weight.  so while it may not be as measured as before, I am going to start journaling my food again.  Blegh.

Workout Set-Up for o5/13-05/19

Monday- 30 Day Shred, Levels one and two; Soccer Drills 

Tuesday- 30 Day Shred, Level two; Run

Wednesday- Soccer Drills with mini-workout; Flow Yoga

Thursday- 30 Day Shred, Level two (option of doing twice through); Hill Run

Friday- 30 Day Shred, Level two, twice

Saturday- 30 Day Shred, Level two (option of doing twice or adding second DVD workout); Run

Sunday- 30 Day Shred, Levels two and three; Soccer Drills

I am boring today.  And hungry.  I’m hungry.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



Two days into 30 Day Shred and my legs are feeling it, for sure.  I was impressed that I had the ability to run as much as I did last night.  The boyfriend is actually finding ways to encourage me without making me feel so bad about being slow as snails.  I finished a 5k course in around 40 minutes, which is widely attributed to the fact that I cannot run fast and I need to invest in new running shoes.  These are over a year old and definitely out of commission.

Tonight will consist of some simple soccer drills and a flow yoga class that I am more than looking forward to this week.  I didn’t make it to the class last week, so I’m definitely feeling a little less than zen.  Surprisingly, I have been in a better mood this week.  I’m sure that can be contributed to the exercise that I have shoved back into my daily routine, but it’s always nice to feel better about where my life is headed. 

My second test for teaching certification is this Friday, and I am anxious and excited.  I am trying to stay confident about doing well on the test, but I really haven’t study as much as I could have in the past couple of weeks.  Hopefully all will go well.  I have been getting a good amount of “hands-on” teaching experience, so hopefully that will be reflected in my test scores.

The rest of this week consists of a lot of 30 Day Shred and a lot of running (Thursday, Friday, and Saturday).  Friday I might go for more walking than running, but it’s all in how I feel when the time comes. 

Later Days,

-Jenni.

 



{April 29, 2013}   04.29.2013 – Long-Term Goals

I took some time today to come up with a “wish list” of sorts for my fitness aspirations.  Many of these fitness goals are only held back by funding for the event, others are events that will require a higher endurance level than I currently hold, or an ability to swim that I do not currently maintain.

Fitness Goals to Achieve Before 30

1. Participate in Tough Mudder

2. Participate in the Spartan Race

3. Participate in the Horrible Hundred in Clermont

4. Complete the GoRuck Challenge

5. Complete a Half IronMan

6. Take Part in a Healthy Living Summit

7. Participate in the Rock n’ Roll Half Marathon in St. Pete AND in Las Vegas

8. Compete in a Multi-Run weekend

9. Participate in a 50k

10. Participate in a CrossFit workout

11. Learn how to swim (might need to do that BEFORE the IronMan)

12. Become a Yoga Instructor

13. Particpate in the US Running With the Bulls

 

While it’s a basic list, there are some pretty high asprations on this list for me.  I am in the process of completing at least two of these by the end of 2013.  I turn 30 in Spetember of 2019, so I’ve got time…but I’m sure it will go by faster than I think. 

Later Days,

-Jenni.



{April 18, 2013}   04.18.2013 – What to Do?

I am no good without a plan.  And while I have a tendency to over plan, I need something to look forward to each week.  I need something that I know is on my list of things to do that will make me desire to eat healthier.  Because I am faced with this dilemma, I am starting back at my running clubs.  Running was my first exercise live, and I need to reunite with it.

I hoped this day would come.  I fell out of love with running at the beginning of this year.  I was consumed with going to the gym every day and seeing the results that every other person sees.  But I was craving the wrong things and having a lot of disordered eating troubles, so I did not see the significant changes that I dreamed of.  And I remember my body feeling better when I was part of my weekly runs.  I can’t remember what the scales said, but I do remember feeling like my body was working with me rather than against me.

Of course, I could never cut out the gym completely.  I am looking forward to focus on simple strength training with a few compound moves two to three times a week.  I don’t want to overdo it to the point that I’m feeling lethargic on run days, which is what I think happened in the beginning of the year.

I am trying not to look too far into the future, but I am thinking of adding crossfit and yoga to the mix.  My main focus right now is to spend at least a few weeks, and possibly a month, getting used to a routine of just running and going to the gym.    I have a million ideas running through my head for all the different races I have planned (I’ve found a more economic cluster to keep me racing at least once a month until the end of October), but I need to work on the baby steps that will get me successfully to my goals.  I don’t wanna burn out like I did last time I was trying to train for a half-marathon.

My runs as of right now will include a 5k route on Tuesday evenings, a Hill workout on Thursday evenings, and a 3-mile run on Saturday mornings.  These are all with different groups throughout Lakeland, and I’m hoping the people will overlap.  I love my Thursday Hills group that I’ve been a part of for a couple of years, but the other two will be completely new to me.

More updates later.  Looking forward to my return to Hills tonight…even if I only get through one or two before I pass out.  I know the group will drag me back to the car and douse me with Gatorade.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



{April 9, 2013}   04.09.2013 – Pure Cardio

I am hungry…so I’m going to write a blog update to take my mind off the food I could be eating right now.  And I am being counterproductive by blogging about the food I could be eating.  I am apparently really bad at this… but, such is life.

In non-fitness news, I am up to Chapter Seven in my Professional Education Test Prep book.  That’s halfway!  I will probably be able to take the test the first week of May.  I am looking at May 3rd, but we will see how I am feeling near the end of the month.  I am not entirely sure how studying will work during the FCAT.  I know we cannot help the students, but I don’t know how much we are going to be required to be on our feet.  We shall see how this all plays out next week.  I have training for it this afternoon… so looking forward to that. 

I am looking forward to my first yoga class this weekend and not much else.  I have been super hectic the past couple of weekends and I think I need some time where I just have a day or two for myself without much travel.  I know throwing Insanity and gym trips in the mix won’t give me the 100% calm that most people hope for, but it is my kind of calm.  Insanity has actually be helping me to sleep better and crave better foods.  Even if I am tired when I start the workout, I finish feeling energized and ready for the next thing.  I wish that I had the desire and motivation to wake up and do it in the mornings, but I would be waking up way too early for my liking.  That might be something that I look into if I decide to do a second round during the summer. 

Speaking of summer, I honestly have no idea what I am going to do to take up the free time that I will be faced with.  I know that I have volunteering in mind, but that’s something I will probably only want to do three days a week.  I know I say that I am looking forward to doing nothing and still getting paid, but I also know that I am probably going to be bored within the first few weeks.  I guess that’s where swimming and other sports will come in.  I am hoping to move out on my own this summer, and the place that is on my apartment wish list has a volleyball court.  If that doesn’t work out, I will just be taking a lot of trips to the beach.  Nothing wrong with that!

That’s as much of an update as my brain can handle.  Insanity – Week One Update is coming on Thursday, so be looking for that.  Tomorrow might be nothing or it might be as random as today.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



I feel the need to push myself, so I am adding on to the Insanity workout.  Nothing too much, just a couple of gym trips and weekend yoga.  I have been toying with the idea of trying out Hot Yoga, and I think that trying it out during Insanity might be the right way to go.  I would love to add a workout that refreshes my muscles.  While I have heard mixed reviews on the topic, a lot of people say that hot yoga leaves you felling refreshed and ready to take on anything.  I will be starting those classes every other week, starting in May.  It will be primarily during my second month of Insanity, with the first trip falling in my recovery week.  Along with Hot Yoga, I will also be adding a basic yoga class on the alternating Sundays that I am not attending Hot Yoga on Saturday.  These visits all fall on recovery days, so I am not worried about being overworked.  As I believe I have previously mentioned, I am planning on continuing to go to the gym on Wednesdays, which is my actual rest day.  It will mostly be for biking, but I am throwing a few treadmill or elliptical workouts in to keep my legs moving.  I might go a few times during the weekend also, depending on how I am feeling with Insanity that week.  I mostly am just trying to get as much change in my body as I safely can in the next 60 days.  I am also very excited that my final day of Insanity falls on the last day of school.  It’s a pretty good way to wrap things up and be ready for summer. 

My goals for this week include continuing with Insanity and working towards a completely Vegetarian lifestyle.  As of today, I have finished my Healthy Choice meals.  I do have the turkey burgers, but those aren’t completely appetizing, so I don’t think I would have finished them even if I had stayed Omnivorous.  Much like my last round of vegetarianism, I will continue to include eggs in my diet and sparse amounts of dairy.  I am unsure as to whether or not I want to cut out fish entirely because I do enjoy sushi on special occasions.  Insanity will not be too difficult this week, no more than it was last week.  I will, however, be experiencing what it is like to do Insanity in someone else’s house as I am bringing it over to the boyfriend’s house tomorrow.  He will get to experience the Plyometric Cardio Circuit from Hell and I will get a higher ceiling to work with….everybody wins.

FCAT starts next week…pray for me.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



The official weigh-in result for this morning was 204 pounds, for a total of ten pounds lost this week.

Tot celebrate, I’m having watermelon for breakfast.  That’s not really a celebration, but it is soothing because my mouth is super dry from being out last night and partying like the true metalhead I am and forgetting to stay hydrated while doing so.  But it will work in my favor because if I learn how to growl, the boyfriend will learn Mumford and Sons.

The only major fail about dehydration is I crave all the bad things.  It also might be because I watched members of a band devour food at a rate that is normally unknown to man…that also might be a reason, yeah.  But I am craving some carby-doughy goodness.  Hopefully it will go away by lunch.  I could throw together another wrap, which might help my cause a bit.

Today will be an interesting adventure in finding when and where to workout.  Both of my parents are home, I have to go help my mother at work, and when I get home my aunt is supposed to come over.  Also, I hate working out in front of people.  But I’d rather workout in front of the boyfriend than family members…so it looks like I’ll be dragging the party to his house this afternoon.  Hopefully he will have had enough sleep… or he can just sleep while I workout.  Then no one will see me…MUHAHAHHA.

This update is getting weird.  I mostly just wanted to say I lost weight, I’m happy, and I plan to do more next week.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



So, the official weigh-in is tomorrow… but I have been weighing every morning and today I clocked in at 203.  Remember what I posted Monday? 214  But do not be deceived.  This is not 11 pounds of pure fat that I have rid from my body.  This is 11 pounds of crappy food.  I switched to an 85% vegetarian/clean diet and I banished all the sludge that had been chilling in my body for over two weeks.

Now that you’ve got that lovely image in your head…on with the Insanity update.

I completed Day Three, Cardio Power and Resistance, today.  As it was the first time I tried Insanity, I prefer this workout to the Plyo workout.  I really enjoy jumping side-to-side… and this workout has at least three moves that let me do that.  And I love that doing Insanity doesn’t make me feel like death after.  I actually want to go out and go for a walk or something.  I putting the walk off…but I really wanna do it.  Maybe even attempt longboarding.  I feel fearless, whatttt.  Feeling fearless now will later be me getting on and off the loagboard for several attempts and only going about twenty feet at a time…if that.  I also don’t find myself particularly starving after a hard workout.  However, I am wanting more carbs with my meals.  I am still staying under 50 a meal, but my snacks are always a little high on the carb scale…but that’s mostly because they are fruit.

Speaking of fruit… Watermelon is on sale at Publix this week and OMG I’m in love with it.  So juicy and amazing and beautiful and it is my new food lover.  I could probably eat an entire watermelon throughout the day and be okay with it.  My digestive system would probably hate me, but it’s a small price to pay for that naturally sweet goodness.

I was going to write more, but I got distracted by my Facebook.  I felt the need to clean it up a bit.

Full weigh-in update with next weeks goals tomorrow.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



I just got finished with my first Fit Test of the Insanity program.  No, really.  I’m still sweating and my heart rate hasn’t fully recovered.  I’m that fresh…without actually being fresh you should all be glad you are not in the vicinity of my Insanity Stank.

I am definitely not as good as I remember, but I’m not as bad as I thought I would be.  I thought I would barely make it through the warm-up before I turned the DVD off and never spoke of this silly adventure again.  But, alas, I have finished the fit test and I am ready to announce my results.

1. In Switch Kicks I obtained a score of 65…. not bad, but I should mention that I did not do jumps nearly as explosive as the two people in the video.

2. In Power Jacks I obtained a score of 21… these I did not modify.

3. In Power Knees I obtained a score of 50… these I also did not modify.

4. In Power Jumps I obtained a score of 20… I wasn’t able to get my legs to go up during the actual jump, so these were modified.

5. In Globe Jumps I obtained a score of 5… these I did not modify, but my lack of room did cause less explosive jumps.  I honestly feel I could have done better in a less confined space.

6. In Suicide Jumps I obtained a score of 9… these were the most modified.  I basically turned a burpee into a down&out that involved stepping back into plank.  I threw in a couple normal ones, but I need to alternate versions to keep my knees sane.

7. In Power Jacks I obtained a score of 8… I hate Power Jacks.  I always have, I always will.  My inability to do a push-up resulted in me only going halfway down for each push-up.

8. In Low Plank Obliques I obtained a score of 29… I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty sure I turned these into Mountain Climbers for wusses.

I am being overly critical of myself in these exercises because I do think this program will vastly improve my fitness level, and I would like to be able to document just how far I have come.  My journey may result in getting the same numbers but with proper form, and I think I would be okay with those results.  The fit test that comes after the third week usually does not yield improved results for me, but we shall see if I can be proved wrong.

Tomorrow starts the real work… and I will probably want to die afterwards.

This weekend starts the journey of fitting Insanity into a packed schedule… I believe it can a will be done.

Later Days,

-Jenni.

 



et cetera