Run Jenni, Run











{May 25, 2013}   05.27.2013 – RAD

Today I completed the Color Me Rad 5k in Tampa, Florida.  Not only does this mark my first 5k of the year; it also marks my first 5k of the summer.  With all these races coming up, it;s time to get serious about my commitment to fitness.  When I say commitment, I don’t mean shoving myself in the living room to do a workout DVD that I dread doing.  I mean committing to do something active every day…something that I love.

Starting next week I will be able to go to yoga at least three times a week.  I skipped last week due to a cookout with some friends, so I will be able to use my last two trips this week on Tuesday and Wednesday.  Then, I am paying for the 30-Day pass on Friday once I get paid.  I think that yoga will give me a new appreciation for my body due to the fact that I am more able than I seem.  I need to get back to running hills, but my therapy appointments have taken my inertia away once I’m done talking about everything I have dealt with in a week.  I need to push myself to run right after my appointment and meet up with them once they start, or just find someplace that will give me energy during the hour of waiting for running club to start.

I just want to get back to the way I was.  I know I write a post complaining about the person I used to be at least once a week these days and the only one to blame for that is myself, I just wish I could find the strength to look past the trials and just say “fuck it” and reach my goals.  Part of me doesn’t even want to do it anymore.  I keep wanting to fast forward to the part of my life where it all makes sense, but I’m starting to doubt if that part ever comes.

Later Days,

-Jenni.

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{May 22, 2013}   05.22.2013 – Nine Days

Nine more days of school!  Yay!!

I am definitely ready to get my two-month break started.  It’s not REALLY a break because I will be volunteering the majority of the summer for a summer Preschool program, but it still will be a break from my actual job and an exploration into what I really want to do with my life.  I am still waiting on my Professional Education Test results, so I am just waiting for that.  I am less and less nervous about it, so I am okay with not knowing my results just yet.  I am hoping that the results come before my PreK test so that I can have a full answer by the time I take that test on whether I can start majorly searching for jobs or not.

In terms of workouts, I am learning to accept my ability to do any form of activity.  Yesterday, I had a run planned, but I ended up doing soccer drills ith Luke for the afternoon because I was on his side of town instead of mine.  I enjoyed myself, and I got in a decent workout.  Today I have soccer planned and my yoga class.  It’s hard to get me to not go to yoga.  I cannot wait until I can spring for the unlimited pass next month.

Hope you all are having a great week!  I’ll update more on food choices later.  It’s a learning process and I am definitely adding more fruits and veggies.  It’s just difficult to go about it without weighing myself every day and counting calories like it’s going out of style.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



As a start to my new healthy-living mantra, I am implementing a rule.  A rule which I have stolen from my friend Julie, who stole the rul from a movie (Parental Guidance…I think). 

For every downer, I own myself three uppers.  Three compliments about myself or things that I am thankful for in my life.

This means that every time I put myself down, I have to come up with three things that will lift me back up.  And after yesterday’s post, I owe myself quite a few uppers…specifically thirty.  I owe myself thirty “uppers”.  So, here we go…

1. I am smart.  I am currently teaching myself through study guides so that I can get my teaching certification.

2. I can cook a perfect pancake.  It has taken a lot of tries, but it’s perfection.

3. My hair color is awesome.  Just, awesome.

4. I am a great educator.  This is validated.  I get told at least weekly that I am wonderful with the kids that I work with.

5. I have the ability to run.  I may be slow and it may not be far, but I have the ability to run.

6. I am witty.

7. I have a family that does everything in its power to provide happiness for me.

8. I am able-bodied enough to do yoga, on a daily basis if I want, and I am more relaxed because of this.

9. I can grow my own herbs (hopefully!). 

10. I have friends that are supportive, even when they are not sure what’s going on with me.

11. I live less than three hours away from both Florida coasts… I’m surrounded by beach.

12. I get to go to SeaWorld for FREE on Friday.

13. One of my students told me I was skinny.  In a middle school environment, that means everything. 

14. I am trusted enough that people come to me for advice.

15. I understand nutrition enough that people come to me for advice.

16. I am making daily decisions that are creating a healthier life for me.

17. I can bake/cook healthy and not-so-healthy treats.

18. I have stuck to my 85% vegetarian goal for almost a month.

19.  I am feeling more and more committed to yoga every day.

20. I came to work today instead of faking sick and sleeping all day.

21. I overcame my emotions yesterday without the use of self-injury or horror movies.

22. I will complete the first concept of study for my PreK test today before the end of school.

23. My nephew can make me laugh, even on my worst days.

24. I got four races for the price of one this summer.  Through this, I can improve on my 5k time throughout the summer.

25. I found a mud race that I can do for free through volunteering.

26. I can sing…well.

27. The Fast ForWord lady was impressed with how involved I am in the program, and offered to be a reference when I start looking for a teaching job.

28. I have stuck to my goal of not chewing gum… this is a HUGE accomplishment, since I used to rely on gum to curb cravings.

29. I can read music, something I consider to be a lost art.

30. School is out in 23 Days, and I’m only working 16 of those days.

 

Later Days,

-Jenni.



1. I’m reading Healthy Tipping Point.  I am hoping this book will teach me how to love myself and how to work on lifestyle changes rather than “quick fixes”.

2. I signed up for an organic buying club.  It’s a lot of healthy food for $25 a week.  That’s a pretty decent price for someone who is always trying to save an extra dime or two.

3. Next month I’m going for the unlimited yoga pass.  I love running, and I’m going to keep it up, but I think that yogas is going to be a better use of time when it comes to learning to love myself and respect my body.

Later Days,

-Jenni Warren



{May 13, 2013}   05.13.2013 – Part Two

I am having a bad day.  I’m unhappy, and I don’t know what would make me happy again.  Well, I do know what would make me happy, but it feels entirely unattainable at this point.  

I can remember when I could get on a scale and it would say 185.  I was happy at that weight.  It may have been a completely fucked up and emotionally disturbing time in my life, but that number meant everything to me.  Because that number was the result of a journey that was several years in the making.  That was me at 100 pounds less than I was in high school.  And I would give anything to get that number back.  And that sentence scares me.  Feeling the need to do anything to get a number back seems a bit ridiculous.  And more so than feeling ridiculous, it is causing an internal battle with myself.

I don’t know how to do moderate.  I have always been the type of person who is highly restrictive in her eating habits or binges on every sweet that she can get her hands on.  And I feel like that is how I have been living for the past several years.  I’ll restrict, restrict, restrict, until I can’t take it anymore and I end up eating an entire cake by myself.  And I laugh it off, and my friends laugh it off, and my family says “that’s just the way you’re made” or “you just need to splurge every now and then”.  But that isn’t healthy for me.  Going from 1000 calories one day to upwards of 3000 the next is dangerously unhealthy, and I’m getting to where I’ll do it on a normal basis.

I was so happy when I went to the doctor because I thought that finally someone would see the problems that I’m going through without me having to spell them out.  I was all set up to find a nutritionist that was going to help me figure out my bad eating habits and get me on track to having a healthy relationship with food.  And then Insurance got in the way.  “You cannot have a visit to a nutritionist through our company covered since you have a wellness program set up through your employer”.  I hid it, but I was crushed.  and I know that my therapist would say crushed is an “irrational” word, but that is how I felt.  I covered it up with finding the fitness program for the summer through the school board, but I really hated that I could not get the one thing I thought I really needed.

And now I’m stuck,

I am working through therapy, but I’m not feeling any better about my appearance.  I can read self-help and diet books until I’ve spent my life savings on them, but nothing seems to help.  I feel broken and all I want to do is cry because as much as I am putting on a facade of eating healthy and trying to lose weight, nothing is happening.  As much as I exude “confidence”, if there has been any movement on the scale it has been in a upward direction.  And I’ve given the muscle weighs more than fat talk as many times as I have received it, and I just feel like it does not apply in this case.  I have excess fat to lose.  I have lost it before.  So, it’s not muscle.  It’s just more fat.  

It’s so hard to change when you have all the answers, you just don’t know how to use them. I feel like I am so good at motivating others.  I can remember last summer when someone came up to me after a race and they told me I was their “timer”.  I was the person that motivated them to keep running.  When they wanted to stop, they were focused on trying to pass me.  That is kickass.  Now all I can think about is what they would think if they ran a race with me now.  After the ending of my relationship last summer I just kind of let myself go.  I didn’t go as far as some other people do when they end relationships, but I lost my fitness.  I lost my 33 minute 5k time.  I’ve gained close to 40 pounds.  And I never saw the problem while it was happening because I was hiding behind vices.  It’s easy to convince yourself tht nothing is wrong when you have people telling you that you’re beautiful…even if it is for the wrong reasons.  

Now I have a good relationship.  I have a great relationship with a guy that is pushing me to be better.  I just wish I believed him when he told me I was beautiful.  Sure, I have days where I believe it.  I just wish that I could believe it every time.  

Later Days,

-Jenni.



I am feeling my case of the Mondays, and I am hoping this weather clears up by tomorrow morning.  I cannot wait until Summer really kicks into high-gear.  As a Floridian, we don’t really ghet a Spring, so it’s Summer and Less-Like-Summer.  While I have enjoyed cooler temperatures, I am tired of the rain. 

This week, I am not only trying to stay on track with my exercise, but I am implementing healthier eating back into the program.  As much as I hate keeping track of my food with journals and calorie-couting, it’s the only way that I can effectively lose weight.  so while it may not be as measured as before, I am going to start journaling my food again.  Blegh.

Workout Set-Up for o5/13-05/19

Monday- 30 Day Shred, Levels one and two; Soccer Drills 

Tuesday- 30 Day Shred, Level two; Run

Wednesday- Soccer Drills with mini-workout; Flow Yoga

Thursday- 30 Day Shred, Level two (option of doing twice through); Hill Run

Friday- 30 Day Shred, Level two, twice

Saturday- 30 Day Shred, Level two (option of doing twice or adding second DVD workout); Run

Sunday- 30 Day Shred, Levels two and three; Soccer Drills

I am boring today.  And hungry.  I’m hungry.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



Sometimes I get bored and plan out my entire workout schedule through the end of the year… and that happened this morning. 

Due to wedding dates, I have had to give up on a few races and change around a few plans.  It actually has not been as mentally difficult as I expected it to be and I am mostly glad that I realized I needed to change dates before I had paid for the races.  I still have somthing to do every month, but it’s definitely a change from the original.  My new race list still includes the Watermelon Series over the summer and the Aching Quad for my birthday, but I have cut down the October race from the Living Dead Challenge to just the Frakenfooter half marathon on October 27.  November will be changes from the Lake to Lake 10k to a mud race.  I finally found one that is nearby and not a ridiculous amount of money (in my opinion, anyways).  For December I cut out the second half marathon and am just planning for the one in Orlando the first weekend of the month.  It’s a slightly easier schedule and it allows for a little more free time to play aournd with other workout plans.

I am still planning on adding some random gym time in the summer due to a free membership as a perk of being a School Board employee.  The only priority of this will be the Wednesday Nutrition and Fitness classes.  I do have plans to visit the gym, but this summer will be focused on improving my 5k time and working through a few DVD programs.  As previously mentioned, May is dedicated to 30 Day Shred.  So far, I am definitely feeling it, but actual results remain to be seen.  In June I am upping the stakes with two DVD programs: Six Week Six Pack and Ripped in 30.  I will be working on Level One of Six Week Six Pack for the enire month of June, then moving up to Level Two during July.  Once July hits, I will finish up Ripped in 30 and dedicate more time to my free gym pass and yoga.  August will consist of a lot of Bob Harper as I alternete his Pure Strength workout with his Kettlebell workout to add in some strength that does not involve the gym.  August will also mark the point at which I add in more yoga to my routine, adding Monday and Friday evenings to my yofa class load.  By October I will be in full running mode, planning for the half marathon at the end of the month.  At this point, I am going to evealuate my fitness level.  If I decide I am well enough, both physically and mentally, I am planning to attempt Insanity for the third time.  If I start at the end of October, I will be able to complete the entire program by December 31, 2013… which is a great way to start off the new year. 

As always, this is subject to change according to ability and functionality… but I am hoping this plan sticks. 

 

Later Days,

-Jenni.



Two days into 30 Day Shred and my legs are feeling it, for sure.  I was impressed that I had the ability to run as much as I did last night.  The boyfriend is actually finding ways to encourage me without making me feel so bad about being slow as snails.  I finished a 5k course in around 40 minutes, which is widely attributed to the fact that I cannot run fast and I need to invest in new running shoes.  These are over a year old and definitely out of commission.

Tonight will consist of some simple soccer drills and a flow yoga class that I am more than looking forward to this week.  I didn’t make it to the class last week, so I’m definitely feeling a little less than zen.  Surprisingly, I have been in a better mood this week.  I’m sure that can be contributed to the exercise that I have shoved back into my daily routine, but it’s always nice to feel better about where my life is headed. 

My second test for teaching certification is this Friday, and I am anxious and excited.  I am trying to stay confident about doing well on the test, but I really haven’t study as much as I could have in the past couple of weeks.  Hopefully all will go well.  I have been getting a good amount of “hands-on” teaching experience, so hopefully that will be reflected in my test scores.

The rest of this week consists of a lot of 30 Day Shred and a lot of running (Thursday, Friday, and Saturday).  Friday I might go for more walking than running, but it’s all in how I feel when the time comes. 

Later Days,

-Jenni.

 



I am getting back on track because this free fall has gone on long enough.  I am back to my lovely workout schedule where I fit as much in as I can without dying.  I have figured my main problem last time was not amount of work I was doing, it was the amount of food I wasn’t eating.  Lack of keeping with my minimum daily caloric needs caused low energy levels and a lot of binge days where I was supplementing lost calories with entire pans of brownies and boston cream pie.  Instead, I’m going to be making my own trail mix for snacking during the day and eating nutritional meals for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner.  And if I want a snack, I’m going to give myself some wiggle room.  It’s better to eat a little chocolate or go buy a single-serve brownie than to cook the entire pan and eat it in one sitting…after you try to combat the craving with foods that are not satisfying and just as bad as empty calories from soda.  Really, if you aren’t enjoying what you put in your body, what’s the point?

Yesterday I started 30-Day Shred, and I am planning to finish 30 rounds of it before the end of the month of May.  This will require a few days of “doubling” or “tripling” up, but those days are coming later.  While I might have the next four months heavily planned out, including fall-back plans, I am trying to focus on just one week at a time when it comes to blogging and my actual calendar that I see when I wake up each morning. 

05-06 through 05-12

Monday: 30 Day Shred

Tuesday: 30 Day Shred, Run

Wednesday: Flow

Thursday: 30 Day Shred, Hill Run

Friday: 30 Day Shred, Run

Saturday: 30 Day Shred, Run

Sunday: 30 Day Shred, Yoga

Wednesdays will forever be known as my “Zen” day and I will only do yoga on those days unless I feel like otherwise supplementing it with a short run or bike ride.  If I end up in Winter Haven in the future I may chose to ride my bike to Yoga practice during the week.  It’s all up in the air, as I don’t want to plan too far ahead.  But I am feeling confident that everything will work out…eventually.

Later Days,

-Jenni



I am trying so hard to be happy, you have to believe me.  I am trying to center myself and make choices that are going to make me smile, but it’s just so hard.  I do have the Taylor Swift album streaming, which is giving me some good feels, but not many.  Hopefully this afternoon will turn me in a more positive direction.

I am supposed to be volunteering at Fitniche this evening as we prepare for Mayfaire by the Lake on Saturday.  It’s an evening race, and I am looking forward to being someone cheering on all the finishers on Saturday night.  I am also looking forward to two yoga session this weekend…one on Wednesday night and then Karma Yoga on Sunday morning.  My regular Tuesday and Thursday runs are also going ot be making a comeback this week.  I also might add in 30-Day Shred in the afternoons, just to give me an extra little aerobic push.  I wish I had the gusto to wake up early and do it before work..but no.

I do better when I am fit, so that is my mantra for this week.  I must remember that fitness equals happiness. 

Later Days,

-Jenni.



et cetera