Run Jenni, Run











{May 13, 2013}   05.13.2013 – Part Two

I am having a bad day.  I’m unhappy, and I don’t know what would make me happy again.  Well, I do know what would make me happy, but it feels entirely unattainable at this point.  

I can remember when I could get on a scale and it would say 185.  I was happy at that weight.  It may have been a completely fucked up and emotionally disturbing time in my life, but that number meant everything to me.  Because that number was the result of a journey that was several years in the making.  That was me at 100 pounds less than I was in high school.  And I would give anything to get that number back.  And that sentence scares me.  Feeling the need to do anything to get a number back seems a bit ridiculous.  And more so than feeling ridiculous, it is causing an internal battle with myself.

I don’t know how to do moderate.  I have always been the type of person who is highly restrictive in her eating habits or binges on every sweet that she can get her hands on.  And I feel like that is how I have been living for the past several years.  I’ll restrict, restrict, restrict, until I can’t take it anymore and I end up eating an entire cake by myself.  And I laugh it off, and my friends laugh it off, and my family says “that’s just the way you’re made” or “you just need to splurge every now and then”.  But that isn’t healthy for me.  Going from 1000 calories one day to upwards of 3000 the next is dangerously unhealthy, and I’m getting to where I’ll do it on a normal basis.

I was so happy when I went to the doctor because I thought that finally someone would see the problems that I’m going through without me having to spell them out.  I was all set up to find a nutritionist that was going to help me figure out my bad eating habits and get me on track to having a healthy relationship with food.  And then Insurance got in the way.  “You cannot have a visit to a nutritionist through our company covered since you have a wellness program set up through your employer”.  I hid it, but I was crushed.  and I know that my therapist would say crushed is an “irrational” word, but that is how I felt.  I covered it up with finding the fitness program for the summer through the school board, but I really hated that I could not get the one thing I thought I really needed.

And now I’m stuck,

I am working through therapy, but I’m not feeling any better about my appearance.  I can read self-help and diet books until I’ve spent my life savings on them, but nothing seems to help.  I feel broken and all I want to do is cry because as much as I am putting on a facade of eating healthy and trying to lose weight, nothing is happening.  As much as I exude “confidence”, if there has been any movement on the scale it has been in a upward direction.  And I’ve given the muscle weighs more than fat talk as many times as I have received it, and I just feel like it does not apply in this case.  I have excess fat to lose.  I have lost it before.  So, it’s not muscle.  It’s just more fat.  

It’s so hard to change when you have all the answers, you just don’t know how to use them. I feel like I am so good at motivating others.  I can remember last summer when someone came up to me after a race and they told me I was their “timer”.  I was the person that motivated them to keep running.  When they wanted to stop, they were focused on trying to pass me.  That is kickass.  Now all I can think about is what they would think if they ran a race with me now.  After the ending of my relationship last summer I just kind of let myself go.  I didn’t go as far as some other people do when they end relationships, but I lost my fitness.  I lost my 33 minute 5k time.  I’ve gained close to 40 pounds.  And I never saw the problem while it was happening because I was hiding behind vices.  It’s easy to convince yourself tht nothing is wrong when you have people telling you that you’re beautiful…even if it is for the wrong reasons.  

Now I have a good relationship.  I have a great relationship with a guy that is pushing me to be better.  I just wish I believed him when he told me I was beautiful.  Sure, I have days where I believe it.  I just wish that I could believe it every time.  

Later Days,

-Jenni.

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I am feeling my case of the Mondays, and I am hoping this weather clears up by tomorrow morning.  I cannot wait until Summer really kicks into high-gear.  As a Floridian, we don’t really ghet a Spring, so it’s Summer and Less-Like-Summer.  While I have enjoyed cooler temperatures, I am tired of the rain. 

This week, I am not only trying to stay on track with my exercise, but I am implementing healthier eating back into the program.  As much as I hate keeping track of my food with journals and calorie-couting, it’s the only way that I can effectively lose weight.  so while it may not be as measured as before, I am going to start journaling my food again.  Blegh.

Workout Set-Up for o5/13-05/19

Monday- 30 Day Shred, Levels one and two; Soccer Drills 

Tuesday- 30 Day Shred, Level two; Run

Wednesday- Soccer Drills with mini-workout; Flow Yoga

Thursday- 30 Day Shred, Level two (option of doing twice through); Hill Run

Friday- 30 Day Shred, Level two, twice

Saturday- 30 Day Shred, Level two (option of doing twice or adding second DVD workout); Run

Sunday- 30 Day Shred, Levels two and three; Soccer Drills

I am boring today.  And hungry.  I’m hungry.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



Sometimes I get bored and plan out my entire workout schedule through the end of the year… and that happened this morning. 

Due to wedding dates, I have had to give up on a few races and change around a few plans.  It actually has not been as mentally difficult as I expected it to be and I am mostly glad that I realized I needed to change dates before I had paid for the races.  I still have somthing to do every month, but it’s definitely a change from the original.  My new race list still includes the Watermelon Series over the summer and the Aching Quad for my birthday, but I have cut down the October race from the Living Dead Challenge to just the Frakenfooter half marathon on October 27.  November will be changes from the Lake to Lake 10k to a mud race.  I finally found one that is nearby and not a ridiculous amount of money (in my opinion, anyways).  For December I cut out the second half marathon and am just planning for the one in Orlando the first weekend of the month.  It’s a slightly easier schedule and it allows for a little more free time to play aournd with other workout plans.

I am still planning on adding some random gym time in the summer due to a free membership as a perk of being a School Board employee.  The only priority of this will be the Wednesday Nutrition and Fitness classes.  I do have plans to visit the gym, but this summer will be focused on improving my 5k time and working through a few DVD programs.  As previously mentioned, May is dedicated to 30 Day Shred.  So far, I am definitely feeling it, but actual results remain to be seen.  In June I am upping the stakes with two DVD programs: Six Week Six Pack and Ripped in 30.  I will be working on Level One of Six Week Six Pack for the enire month of June, then moving up to Level Two during July.  Once July hits, I will finish up Ripped in 30 and dedicate more time to my free gym pass and yoga.  August will consist of a lot of Bob Harper as I alternete his Pure Strength workout with his Kettlebell workout to add in some strength that does not involve the gym.  August will also mark the point at which I add in more yoga to my routine, adding Monday and Friday evenings to my yofa class load.  By October I will be in full running mode, planning for the half marathon at the end of the month.  At this point, I am going to evealuate my fitness level.  If I decide I am well enough, both physically and mentally, I am planning to attempt Insanity for the third time.  If I start at the end of October, I will be able to complete the entire program by December 31, 2013… which is a great way to start off the new year. 

As always, this is subject to change according to ability and functionality… but I am hoping this plan sticks. 

 

Later Days,

-Jenni.



Two days into 30 Day Shred and my legs are feeling it, for sure.  I was impressed that I had the ability to run as much as I did last night.  The boyfriend is actually finding ways to encourage me without making me feel so bad about being slow as snails.  I finished a 5k course in around 40 minutes, which is widely attributed to the fact that I cannot run fast and I need to invest in new running shoes.  These are over a year old and definitely out of commission.

Tonight will consist of some simple soccer drills and a flow yoga class that I am more than looking forward to this week.  I didn’t make it to the class last week, so I’m definitely feeling a little less than zen.  Surprisingly, I have been in a better mood this week.  I’m sure that can be contributed to the exercise that I have shoved back into my daily routine, but it’s always nice to feel better about where my life is headed. 

My second test for teaching certification is this Friday, and I am anxious and excited.  I am trying to stay confident about doing well on the test, but I really haven’t study as much as I could have in the past couple of weeks.  Hopefully all will go well.  I have been getting a good amount of “hands-on” teaching experience, so hopefully that will be reflected in my test scores.

The rest of this week consists of a lot of 30 Day Shred and a lot of running (Thursday, Friday, and Saturday).  Friday I might go for more walking than running, but it’s all in how I feel when the time comes. 

Later Days,

-Jenni.

 



{April 29, 2013}   04.29.2013 – Long-Term Goals

I took some time today to come up with a “wish list” of sorts for my fitness aspirations.  Many of these fitness goals are only held back by funding for the event, others are events that will require a higher endurance level than I currently hold, or an ability to swim that I do not currently maintain.

Fitness Goals to Achieve Before 30

1. Participate in Tough Mudder

2. Participate in the Spartan Race

3. Participate in the Horrible Hundred in Clermont

4. Complete the GoRuck Challenge

5. Complete a Half IronMan

6. Take Part in a Healthy Living Summit

7. Participate in the Rock n’ Roll Half Marathon in St. Pete AND in Las Vegas

8. Compete in a Multi-Run weekend

9. Participate in a 50k

10. Participate in a CrossFit workout

11. Learn how to swim (might need to do that BEFORE the IronMan)

12. Become a Yoga Instructor

13. Particpate in the US Running With the Bulls

 

While it’s a basic list, there are some pretty high asprations on this list for me.  I am in the process of completing at least two of these by the end of 2013.  I turn 30 in Spetember of 2019, so I’ve got time…but I’m sure it will go by faster than I think. 

Later Days,

-Jenni.



{April 25, 2013}   04.25.2013 – Getting Zen

I am having a love affair with yoga. 

I finally went to a Flow class yesterday evening, and I immediately fell in love with everything that is connected with Groundwork Yoga in Winter Haven.  The teacher was friendly, and fully supportive of me as I struggled through getting one or two poses perfect.  The other classmates were awesome.  It was a small class of five people, including the teacher.  Even with this small amount of people, we had someone at every level of study and flexibility.  The atmosphere of the room completely removes you from the hustle and noise going on right outside the door.  It is literally an hour and one-half of perfect zen.  It was just what I need after a week of FCAT and insomnia.  I plan to start out with just the Wednesday night Flow class, and then I will gradually add more classes until I am practicing yoga three or four times a week.  The teacher suggested that yoga would be the perfect “yin to my yang” when it came to adding it to a running routine, and I completely agree with that sentiment.  I am looking forward to exploring both areas of my life further as this year passes.

Yoga is really the only super entertaining thing happening this week.  I have started Tuesday evening runs in Lakeland, which are fun (and the boyfriend has started to join me).  I am still gaining my endurance with running.  I’ve lost most of it over the past month or so of not practicing.  As I work to get it back, I am listening to my body and not pushing myself too far too soon.  I have a lot of 5k races over the summer and the month following, and then I have a bout of half marathons from the end of October to the middle of December.  As of right now there are only three, but I might try to add another in November if it turns out I have the funds.  None of it is set in stone, but I would like to get comfortable with running thirteen miles before I looked into the big, bad marathon.

Look for an update at the latest on Sunday, but I am hoping to get one in before then.  I have a therapy consultation this afternoon, then Hills afterwards, Saturday morning Coffee Run, and  Karma Yoga on Sunday. 

Later Days,

-Jenni.



{April 18, 2013}   04.18.2013 – What to Do?

I am no good without a plan.  And while I have a tendency to over plan, I need something to look forward to each week.  I need something that I know is on my list of things to do that will make me desire to eat healthier.  Because I am faced with this dilemma, I am starting back at my running clubs.  Running was my first exercise live, and I need to reunite with it.

I hoped this day would come.  I fell out of love with running at the beginning of this year.  I was consumed with going to the gym every day and seeing the results that every other person sees.  But I was craving the wrong things and having a lot of disordered eating troubles, so I did not see the significant changes that I dreamed of.  And I remember my body feeling better when I was part of my weekly runs.  I can’t remember what the scales said, but I do remember feeling like my body was working with me rather than against me.

Of course, I could never cut out the gym completely.  I am looking forward to focus on simple strength training with a few compound moves two to three times a week.  I don’t want to overdo it to the point that I’m feeling lethargic on run days, which is what I think happened in the beginning of the year.

I am trying not to look too far into the future, but I am thinking of adding crossfit and yoga to the mix.  My main focus right now is to spend at least a few weeks, and possibly a month, getting used to a routine of just running and going to the gym.    I have a million ideas running through my head for all the different races I have planned (I’ve found a more economic cluster to keep me racing at least once a month until the end of October), but I need to work on the baby steps that will get me successfully to my goals.  I don’t wanna burn out like I did last time I was trying to train for a half-marathon.

My runs as of right now will include a 5k route on Tuesday evenings, a Hill workout on Thursday evenings, and a 3-mile run on Saturday mornings.  These are all with different groups throughout Lakeland, and I’m hoping the people will overlap.  I love my Thursday Hills group that I’ve been a part of for a couple of years, but the other two will be completely new to me.

More updates later.  Looking forward to my return to Hills tonight…even if I only get through one or two before I pass out.  I know the group will drag me back to the car and douse me with Gatorade.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



I made it through my first week of Insanity without dying…that calls for a celebration.  I did my celebrating last night, and I really shouldn’t have dont that.  It’s amazing how much I can tell that bad food has an effect on my body after over a week of healthy choices.  Needless to say, I will not be partaking in bad food for a long while.  I just feel better when I’m making healthy choices and exercising regularly.  This is something that is hard to drill into my head, but I still need to drill it in there whenever possible.  Bad Food = Bad Feels. 

The first week of Insanity is never the worst, but it feels like it after the first few days.  By Monday, I was actually feeling pretty decent.  I don’t have as much muscle pain after a workout, and virtually none the next morning.  I went to the gym yesterday, which was my day off from the Insanity workouts.  It was nice to get moving without Shaun T yelling at me to try harder.  I enjoyed the break, but I am looking forward to pushing myself.  It really is a love/hate relationship with the program.  I hate it, but I feel so good after.  I feel like I am actually working towards something. 

My goals for the second week is to, of course, not skip any workouts.  I am also going to try to add a short hike on Saturday morning after I do Insanity.  I want to mix in gym time as much as I can in order to keep my committment to actual gym trips alive. 

I am also working on my summer plans, and it is going to involve Insanity mixed with gym time and making my way back to Running Club. 

More on that later.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



{April 9, 2013}   04.09.2013 – Pure Cardio

I am hungry…so I’m going to write a blog update to take my mind off the food I could be eating right now.  And I am being counterproductive by blogging about the food I could be eating.  I am apparently really bad at this… but, such is life.

In non-fitness news, I am up to Chapter Seven in my Professional Education Test Prep book.  That’s halfway!  I will probably be able to take the test the first week of May.  I am looking at May 3rd, but we will see how I am feeling near the end of the month.  I am not entirely sure how studying will work during the FCAT.  I know we cannot help the students, but I don’t know how much we are going to be required to be on our feet.  We shall see how this all plays out next week.  I have training for it this afternoon… so looking forward to that. 

I am looking forward to my first yoga class this weekend and not much else.  I have been super hectic the past couple of weekends and I think I need some time where I just have a day or two for myself without much travel.  I know throwing Insanity and gym trips in the mix won’t give me the 100% calm that most people hope for, but it is my kind of calm.  Insanity has actually be helping me to sleep better and crave better foods.  Even if I am tired when I start the workout, I finish feeling energized and ready for the next thing.  I wish that I had the desire and motivation to wake up and do it in the mornings, but I would be waking up way too early for my liking.  That might be something that I look into if I decide to do a second round during the summer. 

Speaking of summer, I honestly have no idea what I am going to do to take up the free time that I will be faced with.  I know that I have volunteering in mind, but that’s something I will probably only want to do three days a week.  I know I say that I am looking forward to doing nothing and still getting paid, but I also know that I am probably going to be bored within the first few weeks.  I guess that’s where swimming and other sports will come in.  I am hoping to move out on my own this summer, and the place that is on my apartment wish list has a volleyball court.  If that doesn’t work out, I will just be taking a lot of trips to the beach.  Nothing wrong with that!

That’s as much of an update as my brain can handle.  Insanity – Week One Update is coming on Thursday, so be looking for that.  Tomorrow might be nothing or it might be as random as today.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



I feel the need to push myself, so I am adding on to the Insanity workout.  Nothing too much, just a couple of gym trips and weekend yoga.  I have been toying with the idea of trying out Hot Yoga, and I think that trying it out during Insanity might be the right way to go.  I would love to add a workout that refreshes my muscles.  While I have heard mixed reviews on the topic, a lot of people say that hot yoga leaves you felling refreshed and ready to take on anything.  I will be starting those classes every other week, starting in May.  It will be primarily during my second month of Insanity, with the first trip falling in my recovery week.  Along with Hot Yoga, I will also be adding a basic yoga class on the alternating Sundays that I am not attending Hot Yoga on Saturday.  These visits all fall on recovery days, so I am not worried about being overworked.  As I believe I have previously mentioned, I am planning on continuing to go to the gym on Wednesdays, which is my actual rest day.  It will mostly be for biking, but I am throwing a few treadmill or elliptical workouts in to keep my legs moving.  I might go a few times during the weekend also, depending on how I am feeling with Insanity that week.  I mostly am just trying to get as much change in my body as I safely can in the next 60 days.  I am also very excited that my final day of Insanity falls on the last day of school.  It’s a pretty good way to wrap things up and be ready for summer. 

My goals for this week include continuing with Insanity and working towards a completely Vegetarian lifestyle.  As of today, I have finished my Healthy Choice meals.  I do have the turkey burgers, but those aren’t completely appetizing, so I don’t think I would have finished them even if I had stayed Omnivorous.  Much like my last round of vegetarianism, I will continue to include eggs in my diet and sparse amounts of dairy.  I am unsure as to whether or not I want to cut out fish entirely because I do enjoy sushi on special occasions.  Insanity will not be too difficult this week, no more than it was last week.  I will, however, be experiencing what it is like to do Insanity in someone else’s house as I am bringing it over to the boyfriend’s house tomorrow.  He will get to experience the Plyometric Cardio Circuit from Hell and I will get a higher ceiling to work with….everybody wins.

FCAT starts next week…pray for me.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



et cetera