Run Jenni, Run











{May 25, 2013}   05.27.2013 – RAD

Today I completed the Color Me Rad 5k in Tampa, Florida.  Not only does this mark my first 5k of the year; it also marks my first 5k of the summer.  With all these races coming up, it;s time to get serious about my commitment to fitness.  When I say commitment, I don’t mean shoving myself in the living room to do a workout DVD that I dread doing.  I mean committing to do something active every day…something that I love.

Starting next week I will be able to go to yoga at least three times a week.  I skipped last week due to a cookout with some friends, so I will be able to use my last two trips this week on Tuesday and Wednesday.  Then, I am paying for the 30-Day pass on Friday once I get paid.  I think that yoga will give me a new appreciation for my body due to the fact that I am more able than I seem.  I need to get back to running hills, but my therapy appointments have taken my inertia away once I’m done talking about everything I have dealt with in a week.  I need to push myself to run right after my appointment and meet up with them once they start, or just find someplace that will give me energy during the hour of waiting for running club to start.

I just want to get back to the way I was.  I know I write a post complaining about the person I used to be at least once a week these days and the only one to blame for that is myself, I just wish I could find the strength to look past the trials and just say “fuck it” and reach my goals.  Part of me doesn’t even want to do it anymore.  I keep wanting to fast forward to the part of my life where it all makes sense, but I’m starting to doubt if that part ever comes.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



{May 22, 2013}   05.22.2013 – Nine Days

Nine more days of school!  Yay!!

I am definitely ready to get my two-month break started.  It’s not REALLY a break because I will be volunteering the majority of the summer for a summer Preschool program, but it still will be a break from my actual job and an exploration into what I really want to do with my life.  I am still waiting on my Professional Education Test results, so I am just waiting for that.  I am less and less nervous about it, so I am okay with not knowing my results just yet.  I am hoping that the results come before my PreK test so that I can have a full answer by the time I take that test on whether I can start majorly searching for jobs or not.

In terms of workouts, I am learning to accept my ability to do any form of activity.  Yesterday, I had a run planned, but I ended up doing soccer drills ith Luke for the afternoon because I was on his side of town instead of mine.  I enjoyed myself, and I got in a decent workout.  Today I have soccer planned and my yoga class.  It’s hard to get me to not go to yoga.  I cannot wait until I can spring for the unlimited pass next month.

Hope you all are having a great week!  I’ll update more on food choices later.  It’s a learning process and I am definitely adding more fruits and veggies.  It’s just difficult to go about it without weighing myself every day and counting calories like it’s going out of style.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



As a start to my new healthy-living mantra, I am implementing a rule.  A rule which I have stolen from my friend Julie, who stole the rul from a movie (Parental Guidance…I think). 

For every downer, I own myself three uppers.  Three compliments about myself or things that I am thankful for in my life.

This means that every time I put myself down, I have to come up with three things that will lift me back up.  And after yesterday’s post, I owe myself quite a few uppers…specifically thirty.  I owe myself thirty “uppers”.  So, here we go…

1. I am smart.  I am currently teaching myself through study guides so that I can get my teaching certification.

2. I can cook a perfect pancake.  It has taken a lot of tries, but it’s perfection.

3. My hair color is awesome.  Just, awesome.

4. I am a great educator.  This is validated.  I get told at least weekly that I am wonderful with the kids that I work with.

5. I have the ability to run.  I may be slow and it may not be far, but I have the ability to run.

6. I am witty.

7. I have a family that does everything in its power to provide happiness for me.

8. I am able-bodied enough to do yoga, on a daily basis if I want, and I am more relaxed because of this.

9. I can grow my own herbs (hopefully!). 

10. I have friends that are supportive, even when they are not sure what’s going on with me.

11. I live less than three hours away from both Florida coasts… I’m surrounded by beach.

12. I get to go to SeaWorld for FREE on Friday.

13. One of my students told me I was skinny.  In a middle school environment, that means everything. 

14. I am trusted enough that people come to me for advice.

15. I understand nutrition enough that people come to me for advice.

16. I am making daily decisions that are creating a healthier life for me.

17. I can bake/cook healthy and not-so-healthy treats.

18. I have stuck to my 85% vegetarian goal for almost a month.

19.  I am feeling more and more committed to yoga every day.

20. I came to work today instead of faking sick and sleeping all day.

21. I overcame my emotions yesterday without the use of self-injury or horror movies.

22. I will complete the first concept of study for my PreK test today before the end of school.

23. My nephew can make me laugh, even on my worst days.

24. I got four races for the price of one this summer.  Through this, I can improve on my 5k time throughout the summer.

25. I found a mud race that I can do for free through volunteering.

26. I can sing…well.

27. The Fast ForWord lady was impressed with how involved I am in the program, and offered to be a reference when I start looking for a teaching job.

28. I have stuck to my goal of not chewing gum… this is a HUGE accomplishment, since I used to rely on gum to curb cravings.

29. I can read music, something I consider to be a lost art.

30. School is out in 23 Days, and I’m only working 16 of those days.

 

Later Days,

-Jenni.



{May 13, 2013}   05.13.2013 – Part Two

I am having a bad day.  I’m unhappy, and I don’t know what would make me happy again.  Well, I do know what would make me happy, but it feels entirely unattainable at this point.  

I can remember when I could get on a scale and it would say 185.  I was happy at that weight.  It may have been a completely fucked up and emotionally disturbing time in my life, but that number meant everything to me.  Because that number was the result of a journey that was several years in the making.  That was me at 100 pounds less than I was in high school.  And I would give anything to get that number back.  And that sentence scares me.  Feeling the need to do anything to get a number back seems a bit ridiculous.  And more so than feeling ridiculous, it is causing an internal battle with myself.

I don’t know how to do moderate.  I have always been the type of person who is highly restrictive in her eating habits or binges on every sweet that she can get her hands on.  And I feel like that is how I have been living for the past several years.  I’ll restrict, restrict, restrict, until I can’t take it anymore and I end up eating an entire cake by myself.  And I laugh it off, and my friends laugh it off, and my family says “that’s just the way you’re made” or “you just need to splurge every now and then”.  But that isn’t healthy for me.  Going from 1000 calories one day to upwards of 3000 the next is dangerously unhealthy, and I’m getting to where I’ll do it on a normal basis.

I was so happy when I went to the doctor because I thought that finally someone would see the problems that I’m going through without me having to spell them out.  I was all set up to find a nutritionist that was going to help me figure out my bad eating habits and get me on track to having a healthy relationship with food.  And then Insurance got in the way.  “You cannot have a visit to a nutritionist through our company covered since you have a wellness program set up through your employer”.  I hid it, but I was crushed.  and I know that my therapist would say crushed is an “irrational” word, but that is how I felt.  I covered it up with finding the fitness program for the summer through the school board, but I really hated that I could not get the one thing I thought I really needed.

And now I’m stuck,

I am working through therapy, but I’m not feeling any better about my appearance.  I can read self-help and diet books until I’ve spent my life savings on them, but nothing seems to help.  I feel broken and all I want to do is cry because as much as I am putting on a facade of eating healthy and trying to lose weight, nothing is happening.  As much as I exude “confidence”, if there has been any movement on the scale it has been in a upward direction.  And I’ve given the muscle weighs more than fat talk as many times as I have received it, and I just feel like it does not apply in this case.  I have excess fat to lose.  I have lost it before.  So, it’s not muscle.  It’s just more fat.  

It’s so hard to change when you have all the answers, you just don’t know how to use them. I feel like I am so good at motivating others.  I can remember last summer when someone came up to me after a race and they told me I was their “timer”.  I was the person that motivated them to keep running.  When they wanted to stop, they were focused on trying to pass me.  That is kickass.  Now all I can think about is what they would think if they ran a race with me now.  After the ending of my relationship last summer I just kind of let myself go.  I didn’t go as far as some other people do when they end relationships, but I lost my fitness.  I lost my 33 minute 5k time.  I’ve gained close to 40 pounds.  And I never saw the problem while it was happening because I was hiding behind vices.  It’s easy to convince yourself tht nothing is wrong when you have people telling you that you’re beautiful…even if it is for the wrong reasons.  

Now I have a good relationship.  I have a great relationship with a guy that is pushing me to be better.  I just wish I believed him when he told me I was beautiful.  Sure, I have days where I believe it.  I just wish that I could believe it every time.  

Later Days,

-Jenni.



I am feeling my case of the Mondays, and I am hoping this weather clears up by tomorrow morning.  I cannot wait until Summer really kicks into high-gear.  As a Floridian, we don’t really ghet a Spring, so it’s Summer and Less-Like-Summer.  While I have enjoyed cooler temperatures, I am tired of the rain. 

This week, I am not only trying to stay on track with my exercise, but I am implementing healthier eating back into the program.  As much as I hate keeping track of my food with journals and calorie-couting, it’s the only way that I can effectively lose weight.  so while it may not be as measured as before, I am going to start journaling my food again.  Blegh.

Workout Set-Up for o5/13-05/19

Monday- 30 Day Shred, Levels one and two; Soccer Drills 

Tuesday- 30 Day Shred, Level two; Run

Wednesday- Soccer Drills with mini-workout; Flow Yoga

Thursday- 30 Day Shred, Level two (option of doing twice through); Hill Run

Friday- 30 Day Shred, Level two, twice

Saturday- 30 Day Shred, Level two (option of doing twice or adding second DVD workout); Run

Sunday- 30 Day Shred, Levels two and three; Soccer Drills

I am boring today.  And hungry.  I’m hungry.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



Two days into 30 Day Shred and my legs are feeling it, for sure.  I was impressed that I had the ability to run as much as I did last night.  The boyfriend is actually finding ways to encourage me without making me feel so bad about being slow as snails.  I finished a 5k course in around 40 minutes, which is widely attributed to the fact that I cannot run fast and I need to invest in new running shoes.  These are over a year old and definitely out of commission.

Tonight will consist of some simple soccer drills and a flow yoga class that I am more than looking forward to this week.  I didn’t make it to the class last week, so I’m definitely feeling a little less than zen.  Surprisingly, I have been in a better mood this week.  I’m sure that can be contributed to the exercise that I have shoved back into my daily routine, but it’s always nice to feel better about where my life is headed. 

My second test for teaching certification is this Friday, and I am anxious and excited.  I am trying to stay confident about doing well on the test, but I really haven’t study as much as I could have in the past couple of weeks.  Hopefully all will go well.  I have been getting a good amount of “hands-on” teaching experience, so hopefully that will be reflected in my test scores.

The rest of this week consists of a lot of 30 Day Shred and a lot of running (Thursday, Friday, and Saturday).  Friday I might go for more walking than running, but it’s all in how I feel when the time comes. 

Later Days,

-Jenni.

 



{April 18, 2013}   04.18.2013 – What to Do?

I am no good without a plan.  And while I have a tendency to over plan, I need something to look forward to each week.  I need something that I know is on my list of things to do that will make me desire to eat healthier.  Because I am faced with this dilemma, I am starting back at my running clubs.  Running was my first exercise live, and I need to reunite with it.

I hoped this day would come.  I fell out of love with running at the beginning of this year.  I was consumed with going to the gym every day and seeing the results that every other person sees.  But I was craving the wrong things and having a lot of disordered eating troubles, so I did not see the significant changes that I dreamed of.  And I remember my body feeling better when I was part of my weekly runs.  I can’t remember what the scales said, but I do remember feeling like my body was working with me rather than against me.

Of course, I could never cut out the gym completely.  I am looking forward to focus on simple strength training with a few compound moves two to three times a week.  I don’t want to overdo it to the point that I’m feeling lethargic on run days, which is what I think happened in the beginning of the year.

I am trying not to look too far into the future, but I am thinking of adding crossfit and yoga to the mix.  My main focus right now is to spend at least a few weeks, and possibly a month, getting used to a routine of just running and going to the gym.    I have a million ideas running through my head for all the different races I have planned (I’ve found a more economic cluster to keep me racing at least once a month until the end of October), but I need to work on the baby steps that will get me successfully to my goals.  I don’t wanna burn out like I did last time I was trying to train for a half-marathon.

My runs as of right now will include a 5k route on Tuesday evenings, a Hill workout on Thursday evenings, and a 3-mile run on Saturday mornings.  These are all with different groups throughout Lakeland, and I’m hoping the people will overlap.  I love my Thursday Hills group that I’ve been a part of for a couple of years, but the other two will be completely new to me.

More updates later.  Looking forward to my return to Hills tonight…even if I only get through one or two before I pass out.  I know the group will drag me back to the car and douse me with Gatorade.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



After an extended vacation from my daily trips, I hate the gym.  I hated it yesterday and I’m probably going to hate it today.  I also hate that I’m starving right now and I’m not supposed to eat for at least another hour.  Basically, I’m just in a hating mood today. 

But in a positive light… I am looking forward to this weekend.  Two out-of-town trips in which I will probably see two of my most favorite people.  That is something to look forward to.  Furthermore, even if I do hate the gym right now, I am looking forward to starting Insanity again.  I am also looking forward to things I am not at liberty to discuss on this blog… get your mind out of the gutter, people, it’s nothing like that.

I am hoping to add some yoga to my workout this afternoon depending on how I feel.  I know that I am going to have to find a way to keep stretched out once I add Insanity back into the mix.  I am hoping that I will do Insanity Thursday – Tuesday, then have a “rest” day on Wednesday.  During my rest day I am going to try to add in a bit of extra cardio in the form of biking at the gym.  I will also be taking advantage of the sauna at the gym whenever possible, which will probably be two to three times a week.  If money permits, I am also considering adding a hot yoga class (I’ve been talking about it for months, and I finally found one…so I just need to do it).  I think the hot yoga will definitely keep my muscles feeling fresh, and any extra yoga during the week will just reinforce that fact.  I am mostly adding the extra cardio at the gym to allow myself to feel like I am still getting my money’s worth while I am doing most of my working out at home. 

I might also consider setting extra goals within my Insanity regime and rewarding myself accordingly.  Like if I improve by so much on the fit Test every two weeks, I can treat myself to a groupon massage.  I have my little 190lb. spa day planned, but that will be at home.  I need something that involves professionals to look forward to as well.

This unorganized post was brought to you by extreme boredom and avoidance of grown-up tasks.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



{April 2, 2013}   04.02.2013 – Mega Update

First, and foremost, I passed the General Knowledge Exam!  Now, on to the Professional Education Test, which I am hoping to take around the middle of May.  Being done with math (again) is a huge weight off my shoulders and it gives me more time to focus on new fitness goals. 

I started my 85% vegetarian journey this week and it is going quite well.  I am currently trying o cut down to only having meat with one meal per day.  This might become a problem as I run low on food, but I did realize that I have more veggie burgers hanging out in my freezer than I originally thought.  Other than my lack of spending money to go towards food this month, I’m doing okay on that front.  It might be a little less fresh fruits and veggies compared to the frozen options, but I think my body will survive a month of the lesser options.  Once I’m finished with what’s in my freezer, there will be more room for the super healthy options.  I am currently reading The Kind Diet, which is more informative than I originally gave it credit.  Not only informative, I love that it is written in a positive and uplifting light, a far cry from Skinny Bitch, a book that suggests the same plant-based diet but with a sharper tongue.

Along with my vegetarian journey, I have a few fitness goals to add to my list as well. 

1. As I have already mentioned, I want to use this summer to learn how to swim.  My major goal is to start participating in triathalons, but I need to get the actual learning process out-of-the-way before I can start looking at swimming as a valid exercise.  Right now it just consists of me flapping around in the water and trying not to drown.  This goal can be reached through private swimming lessons that are offered at the Lakeland Civic Center pool.  Done and done.

2. My second goal involves investing in a bike.  In preparation for the triathalons that I hope to add to my agenda next year, I need to start focusing on biking as its own sport.  This will involve getting a bike and riding on a normal basis.  While I am living at home, I will be able to use the Fort Frasier Trail.  once I move to Winter Haven, I will be able to bike to and from the gym and my apartment.  I’m not badass enough to bike to work…and even if I could handle the distance traffic would scare me off the road. 

3.  The final goal, which I am able to start this month, is to complete the 60-Day Insanity challenge.  I have the program mapped out, starting next Thursday.  This will involve a lot more updates from me in terms of measurements, weight, and how I am feeling.  I tried the program a couple of years ago and had to stop due to my knee.  This time, I am planning to focus on what my body is telling me and taking breaks when I know I need to stop.  I am going to try to add a few gym trips a week to this plan, but just for extra cardio.  And I am planning on staying off the treadmill in order to keep my joints comfortable.

More updates to come.  I’m back in the gym for the first time in two weeks this afternoon.  Wish me luck!

Later Days,

-Jenni.



So… I don’t really have much to update about since I ditched the doctor yesterday, but I need to avoid studying Algebra for the GKE tomorrow, so how about an update?

Today is day one back on the healthy eating train, and I’m doing pretty decent.  I had a banana for breakfast, and I haven’t wanted much more.  I can feel my lunch hunger coming, but I’m not sure what I am craving yet.  I do have a large glass of water that I am keeping close by for the day.  I know I’m not going to get down to anything I was hoping for at this stage of the month, but at least I’m not making it worse.

Since I did not go to the doctor, I did not get on a scale yesterday to see the damage I have done in the past week of being sick and lazy.  I could go do it now, but ehhh…okay.  I’ll go do it now.  The verdict: 213.  It’s not horrible, but it’s not pleasing either.  I was working towards lowering the number and I’ve just made it worse.  But enough of the “down talk”.  There are so many things I am currently working to do to make better health choices.

I recently ordered The Kind Diet, and I am waiting for that to arrive in the mail.  This diet was formed to work towards a vegan lifestyle, which is something I have toyed with before.  I know that I could probably never be a super strict vegan, but I know that even doing it for a short time would be good for my health, and maybe it will stick.  I’ll just need to do a lot of research on how to bake vegan..which isn’t that hard considering most of the blogs I follow are either vegan or vegetarian, so they tend to offer great alternatives.  Of course, switching my eating habits might be better accomplished after I clean out my fridge and freezer…which currently includes a lot of Healthy Choice Meals that I thought I would be eating this week.

I guess that’s all the update I can really give right now.  I am applying rest and muscle cream to my leg, and I hop to be doing better soon.  Maybe actually getting out and moving it different ways will help as well.  I might try to hit up the gym for a bit this afternoon if it isn’t feeling any worse.

Later days,

-Jenni.



et cetera