Run Jenni, Run











{June 12, 2013}   06.12.2013 – Food Journal

http://keeptrackingfood.tumblr.com/

http://keeptrackingfood.tumblr.com/

http://keeptrackingfood.tumblr.com/

http://keeptrackingfood.tumblr.com/

http://keeptrackingfood.tumblr.com/

http://keeptrackingfood.tumblr.com/

http://keeptrackingfood.tumblr.com/

http://keeptrackingfood.tumblr.com/

http://keeptrackingfood.tumblr.com/

New food journal.

New food plan.

New detail later.

Later Days,

-Jenni.

Advertisements


{May 13, 2013}   05.13.2013 – Part Two

I am having a bad day.  I’m unhappy, and I don’t know what would make me happy again.  Well, I do know what would make me happy, but it feels entirely unattainable at this point.  

I can remember when I could get on a scale and it would say 185.  I was happy at that weight.  It may have been a completely fucked up and emotionally disturbing time in my life, but that number meant everything to me.  Because that number was the result of a journey that was several years in the making.  That was me at 100 pounds less than I was in high school.  And I would give anything to get that number back.  And that sentence scares me.  Feeling the need to do anything to get a number back seems a bit ridiculous.  And more so than feeling ridiculous, it is causing an internal battle with myself.

I don’t know how to do moderate.  I have always been the type of person who is highly restrictive in her eating habits or binges on every sweet that she can get her hands on.  And I feel like that is how I have been living for the past several years.  I’ll restrict, restrict, restrict, until I can’t take it anymore and I end up eating an entire cake by myself.  And I laugh it off, and my friends laugh it off, and my family says “that’s just the way you’re made” or “you just need to splurge every now and then”.  But that isn’t healthy for me.  Going from 1000 calories one day to upwards of 3000 the next is dangerously unhealthy, and I’m getting to where I’ll do it on a normal basis.

I was so happy when I went to the doctor because I thought that finally someone would see the problems that I’m going through without me having to spell them out.  I was all set up to find a nutritionist that was going to help me figure out my bad eating habits and get me on track to having a healthy relationship with food.  And then Insurance got in the way.  “You cannot have a visit to a nutritionist through our company covered since you have a wellness program set up through your employer”.  I hid it, but I was crushed.  and I know that my therapist would say crushed is an “irrational” word, but that is how I felt.  I covered it up with finding the fitness program for the summer through the school board, but I really hated that I could not get the one thing I thought I really needed.

And now I’m stuck,

I am working through therapy, but I’m not feeling any better about my appearance.  I can read self-help and diet books until I’ve spent my life savings on them, but nothing seems to help.  I feel broken and all I want to do is cry because as much as I am putting on a facade of eating healthy and trying to lose weight, nothing is happening.  As much as I exude “confidence”, if there has been any movement on the scale it has been in a upward direction.  And I’ve given the muscle weighs more than fat talk as many times as I have received it, and I just feel like it does not apply in this case.  I have excess fat to lose.  I have lost it before.  So, it’s not muscle.  It’s just more fat.  

It’s so hard to change when you have all the answers, you just don’t know how to use them. I feel like I am so good at motivating others.  I can remember last summer when someone came up to me after a race and they told me I was their “timer”.  I was the person that motivated them to keep running.  When they wanted to stop, they were focused on trying to pass me.  That is kickass.  Now all I can think about is what they would think if they ran a race with me now.  After the ending of my relationship last summer I just kind of let myself go.  I didn’t go as far as some other people do when they end relationships, but I lost my fitness.  I lost my 33 minute 5k time.  I’ve gained close to 40 pounds.  And I never saw the problem while it was happening because I was hiding behind vices.  It’s easy to convince yourself tht nothing is wrong when you have people telling you that you’re beautiful…even if it is for the wrong reasons.  

Now I have a good relationship.  I have a great relationship with a guy that is pushing me to be better.  I just wish I believed him when he told me I was beautiful.  Sure, I have days where I believe it.  I just wish that I could believe it every time.  

Later Days,

-Jenni.



I am feeling my case of the Mondays, and I am hoping this weather clears up by tomorrow morning.  I cannot wait until Summer really kicks into high-gear.  As a Floridian, we don’t really ghet a Spring, so it’s Summer and Less-Like-Summer.  While I have enjoyed cooler temperatures, I am tired of the rain. 

This week, I am not only trying to stay on track with my exercise, but I am implementing healthier eating back into the program.  As much as I hate keeping track of my food with journals and calorie-couting, it’s the only way that I can effectively lose weight.  so while it may not be as measured as before, I am going to start journaling my food again.  Blegh.

Workout Set-Up for o5/13-05/19

Monday- 30 Day Shred, Levels one and two; Soccer Drills 

Tuesday- 30 Day Shred, Level two; Run

Wednesday- Soccer Drills with mini-workout; Flow Yoga

Thursday- 30 Day Shred, Level two (option of doing twice through); Hill Run

Friday- 30 Day Shred, Level two, twice

Saturday- 30 Day Shred, Level two (option of doing twice or adding second DVD workout); Run

Sunday- 30 Day Shred, Levels two and three; Soccer Drills

I am boring today.  And hungry.  I’m hungry.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



Two days into 30 Day Shred and my legs are feeling it, for sure.  I was impressed that I had the ability to run as much as I did last night.  The boyfriend is actually finding ways to encourage me without making me feel so bad about being slow as snails.  I finished a 5k course in around 40 minutes, which is widely attributed to the fact that I cannot run fast and I need to invest in new running shoes.  These are over a year old and definitely out of commission.

Tonight will consist of some simple soccer drills and a flow yoga class that I am more than looking forward to this week.  I didn’t make it to the class last week, so I’m definitely feeling a little less than zen.  Surprisingly, I have been in a better mood this week.  I’m sure that can be contributed to the exercise that I have shoved back into my daily routine, but it’s always nice to feel better about where my life is headed. 

My second test for teaching certification is this Friday, and I am anxious and excited.  I am trying to stay confident about doing well on the test, but I really haven’t study as much as I could have in the past couple of weeks.  Hopefully all will go well.  I have been getting a good amount of “hands-on” teaching experience, so hopefully that will be reflected in my test scores.

The rest of this week consists of a lot of 30 Day Shred and a lot of running (Thursday, Friday, and Saturday).  Friday I might go for more walking than running, but it’s all in how I feel when the time comes. 

Later Days,

-Jenni.

 



After an extended vacation from my daily trips, I hate the gym.  I hated it yesterday and I’m probably going to hate it today.  I also hate that I’m starving right now and I’m not supposed to eat for at least another hour.  Basically, I’m just in a hating mood today. 

But in a positive light… I am looking forward to this weekend.  Two out-of-town trips in which I will probably see two of my most favorite people.  That is something to look forward to.  Furthermore, even if I do hate the gym right now, I am looking forward to starting Insanity again.  I am also looking forward to things I am not at liberty to discuss on this blog… get your mind out of the gutter, people, it’s nothing like that.

I am hoping to add some yoga to my workout this afternoon depending on how I feel.  I know that I am going to have to find a way to keep stretched out once I add Insanity back into the mix.  I am hoping that I will do Insanity Thursday – Tuesday, then have a “rest” day on Wednesday.  During my rest day I am going to try to add in a bit of extra cardio in the form of biking at the gym.  I will also be taking advantage of the sauna at the gym whenever possible, which will probably be two to three times a week.  If money permits, I am also considering adding a hot yoga class (I’ve been talking about it for months, and I finally found one…so I just need to do it).  I think the hot yoga will definitely keep my muscles feeling fresh, and any extra yoga during the week will just reinforce that fact.  I am mostly adding the extra cardio at the gym to allow myself to feel like I am still getting my money’s worth while I am doing most of my working out at home. 

I might also consider setting extra goals within my Insanity regime and rewarding myself accordingly.  Like if I improve by so much on the fit Test every two weeks, I can treat myself to a groupon massage.  I have my little 190lb. spa day planned, but that will be at home.  I need something that involves professionals to look forward to as well.

This unorganized post was brought to you by extreme boredom and avoidance of grown-up tasks.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



{April 2, 2013}   04.02.2013 – Mega Update

First, and foremost, I passed the General Knowledge Exam!  Now, on to the Professional Education Test, which I am hoping to take around the middle of May.  Being done with math (again) is a huge weight off my shoulders and it gives me more time to focus on new fitness goals. 

I started my 85% vegetarian journey this week and it is going quite well.  I am currently trying o cut down to only having meat with one meal per day.  This might become a problem as I run low on food, but I did realize that I have more veggie burgers hanging out in my freezer than I originally thought.  Other than my lack of spending money to go towards food this month, I’m doing okay on that front.  It might be a little less fresh fruits and veggies compared to the frozen options, but I think my body will survive a month of the lesser options.  Once I’m finished with what’s in my freezer, there will be more room for the super healthy options.  I am currently reading The Kind Diet, which is more informative than I originally gave it credit.  Not only informative, I love that it is written in a positive and uplifting light, a far cry from Skinny Bitch, a book that suggests the same plant-based diet but with a sharper tongue.

Along with my vegetarian journey, I have a few fitness goals to add to my list as well. 

1. As I have already mentioned, I want to use this summer to learn how to swim.  My major goal is to start participating in triathalons, but I need to get the actual learning process out-of-the-way before I can start looking at swimming as a valid exercise.  Right now it just consists of me flapping around in the water and trying not to drown.  This goal can be reached through private swimming lessons that are offered at the Lakeland Civic Center pool.  Done and done.

2. My second goal involves investing in a bike.  In preparation for the triathalons that I hope to add to my agenda next year, I need to start focusing on biking as its own sport.  This will involve getting a bike and riding on a normal basis.  While I am living at home, I will be able to use the Fort Frasier Trail.  once I move to Winter Haven, I will be able to bike to and from the gym and my apartment.  I’m not badass enough to bike to work…and even if I could handle the distance traffic would scare me off the road. 

3.  The final goal, which I am able to start this month, is to complete the 60-Day Insanity challenge.  I have the program mapped out, starting next Thursday.  This will involve a lot more updates from me in terms of measurements, weight, and how I am feeling.  I tried the program a couple of years ago and had to stop due to my knee.  This time, I am planning to focus on what my body is telling me and taking breaks when I know I need to stop.  I am going to try to add a few gym trips a week to this plan, but just for extra cardio.  And I am planning on staying off the treadmill in order to keep my joints comfortable.

More updates to come.  I’m back in the gym for the first time in two weeks this afternoon.  Wish me luck!

Later Days,

-Jenni.



So… I don’t really have much to update about since I ditched the doctor yesterday, but I need to avoid studying Algebra for the GKE tomorrow, so how about an update?

Today is day one back on the healthy eating train, and I’m doing pretty decent.  I had a banana for breakfast, and I haven’t wanted much more.  I can feel my lunch hunger coming, but I’m not sure what I am craving yet.  I do have a large glass of water that I am keeping close by for the day.  I know I’m not going to get down to anything I was hoping for at this stage of the month, but at least I’m not making it worse.

Since I did not go to the doctor, I did not get on a scale yesterday to see the damage I have done in the past week of being sick and lazy.  I could go do it now, but ehhh…okay.  I’ll go do it now.  The verdict: 213.  It’s not horrible, but it’s not pleasing either.  I was working towards lowering the number and I’ve just made it worse.  But enough of the “down talk”.  There are so many things I am currently working to do to make better health choices.

I recently ordered The Kind Diet, and I am waiting for that to arrive in the mail.  This diet was formed to work towards a vegan lifestyle, which is something I have toyed with before.  I know that I could probably never be a super strict vegan, but I know that even doing it for a short time would be good for my health, and maybe it will stick.  I’ll just need to do a lot of research on how to bake vegan..which isn’t that hard considering most of the blogs I follow are either vegan or vegetarian, so they tend to offer great alternatives.  Of course, switching my eating habits might be better accomplished after I clean out my fridge and freezer…which currently includes a lot of Healthy Choice Meals that I thought I would be eating this week.

I guess that’s all the update I can really give right now.  I am applying rest and muscle cream to my leg, and I hop to be doing better soon.  Maybe actually getting out and moving it different ways will help as well.  I might try to hit up the gym for a bit this afternoon if it isn’t feeling any worse.

Later days,

-Jenni.



Our heater broke this morning…I’m freezing while I wait for it to get fixed because upon it breaking the house filled with smoke and now every window in the house is opened.  I legit felt like we were at the fake house at the fire stations that they make the kids walk through.  I hope to never experience this again and I also wish for my toes to not catch frostbite.

In other news I am headed to the doctor this afternoon to see that is wrong with my leg.  I really don’t know what even happened.  I woke up one day last week and was having trouble with the muscle when it came to lifting it.  I’m not sure if it is a muscle or a joint or a nerve or my mind, but hopefully it will all get worked out this afternoon.

In relation to my leg, I am kind of afraid to get on the scale at the doctor’s office.  I haven’t been to the gym in over a week and my lack of activity has made me crave all the bad food.  What you may or may not know about me is that I tend to be an emotional eater.  I wasn’t popular in high school, which is where a lot of my weight gain stemmed from.  I was fat, so no one liked me, so I ate more.  It wasn’t on par with some of these people who go on television shows to fix it, but it was definitely a problem that I had to face, and I still deal with when I hit a bout of depression in my life.

Part of it this time, is a lot of silly thoughts that may or may not mean anything.  I am worried about my leg because my mom has had similar problem in the past that have pretty much put her out of commission.  I know that it’s an entirely different situation wince I am active and I could have just pulled a muscle doing yoga or running, but I am terrified that I am going to end up where I can’t walk or workout intensely anymore and I’m going to turn into the couch potato that everyone gets annoyed with because she’s “too lazy” to go fix herself.

I am hoping that won’t happen.  Update later today.

Later days,

-Jenni.

P.S. I am also terrified I am going to fail the GKE because everyone keeps telling me it is so easy and if I fail it I am going to feel like a complete dumbass.



Well, I’m finally doing it this summer.  I’m making plans and saving money for something I’ve needed to do since I was a little girl.  I am finally going to learn how to swim.  During the summer months I am thinking that swimming is going to be the best exercise to improve my cardio and overall fitness.  It also is going to help me work towards my ultimate goal of completing a triathlon.  My next investment along those lines will be a good bike, but that will come in time.

In other news, I am trying not to eat the cookies that I made for the students…but I’m a good cook.

I’m jumping back on the health bandwagon tomorrow…promise.  The past two days have been bad, and I apologize for indulging in all this awesome food.  But I think you would do the same thing, so yeah…

Later Days,

-Jenni



{March 21, 2013}   03.21.2013 – Better

I am happy to say that I am completely back on my feet today.  I am over the worst of the flu and back to school, which is a good change of pace from the boring that comes with being resigned to bedrest all day.  I was just thankful I was still able to get some yoga in while I wasn’t feeling 100 percent.  I was hoping to make it to the gym this afternoon, but I’m thinking that I might just call it a day after work and catch up on sleep.  While I have been getting back to normal, my parents are both still pretty sick and my dad is having a tendency to wake me up at 430 in the morning with his hour-long coughing spells.  This has me running on about 4 hours today, which is partially my fault…but ya know.

It’s obviously been a very laid back week when it comes to exercise, but I have actually remained decently healthy, especially compared to how I usually eat when I am sick.  I have upped my carb-intake, but that is something I was working on before I even got sick.  Starting refreshed next week after I’m well will definitely be in my game plan.  I have decided to cut down on sweets rather than cut them out completely.  While it is awesome, and I am impressed by anyone who can quit a food group “cold turkey”, I am not that type of eater, and I need to weed it out one small problem at a time.  My goals is to get where I have moderated my sweet intake enough that I don’t feel bad about myself when I do indulge.

Starting in April, I am considering starting Insanity again.  I think it would be a good way to round out the school year.  I would modify it a bit, probably cutting down on too much plyo, but still doing a less explosive version of the move to save my joints ant unwanted/unneeded pain, but I think I can get most of it done.  I would also still want to get at least one or two days in the gym for some alternative cardio (most likely biking, but elliptical if it fit my mood).  My main reasoning for that is I don’t want to nix my gym membership, but I don’t want to be paying $20 a month for something I never use.  If I can get at least 5-6 gym trips a month, I will feel like my money is not being wasted.  If it cost more per month I would probably put the membership on hold, but $20 isn’t too much to complain about, and I enjoy Wednesday afternoon bike ride and sauna trips.  This entire plan will be mapped out more once I get my Insanity DVDs back from my friend and after Spring Break is over.

In personal news, I am looking forward to taking the GKE next month, hopefully.  I have been studying math, which I hate.  I just need to write a few practice essays to refresh my skills and register for the test (which I will do at the beginning of April).  Hopefully, this will go as well as I am willing it to in my mind.

That’s all for now, I will try to send an update tomorrow to give an overview of Spring Break plans.

Later Days,

-Jenni.



et cetera